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All too often women are innocent victims of what can rightfully be described as systematic abuse, oppression and neglect, in addition to the feeling of utter desperation in trying to seek help in a male dominated society. As such, there is, and will always be, a pressing need for private organizations to stand up for those without defense and to advocate for the rights of women in the society. But what happens when these private agencies become so powerful that they become themselves the administrators, deciders and executors of the law. Such is the case with Ms. Sharla Musabih, her group United Hope, and her network of shelters for women in the UAE. The ostensible aim of her organization is to thwart human trafficking and to counter any domestic abuse that may take place in the UAE. To that end, her efforts should be praised, commended and assisted by the local government and the community at large. The problem arises when she interferes with family disputes and usurps the local laws based upon her own since of what is fair and proper. Such was the case last Thursday.
Recently, I exercised my basic right as a human being to divorce my wife. My wife found in Ms. Sharla Musabih and her activist organization United Hope, a potent tool to exact her revenge upon me. Without ever meeting me, speaking with the children, advising counseling, or going through the local legal channels for divorce in Dubai, she ruled based upon her conversation with my ex wife that I was an abusive parent. She then executed her judgment, while I was away at work, by sending her local aid to collect my wife and children, hiding them in a local ‘shelter.’ So two young children, ages four and seven, were taken from their school, home, and father without any consultation, arbitration, or even conversation with their father! The local police were very helpful and blocked their passports, thus preventing them from traveling. It was from them that I learned this Ms. Sharla Musabih has been sent back to America for causing other such problem between families. Since Thursday, I have emailed her repeatedly seeking a return of my children, but she refuses, insisting that they are now safe from me. When I conveyed to her what I learned from the local police she replied:
‘These are very simple police you a communicating with! I certainly did not get kicked out of the country! In fact I am coordinating with the UAE Gov. to set up a system & recognize my new non profit to enhance the system on behalf of victims! We are in contact with the Minister Dr Anwar Gargash & the Ambassador H.E Yousuf Al Otaiba for our up coming project! It is not uncommon for such rumours to fly about this type of work, as it is a new concept, however it is very Islamic to protect women & children or even provide a time out!

I am a UAE national & the UAE Gov. has worked with respect & honor with me, I am featured on the Federal Gov. Website!’

It is organizations like United Hope that truly hamper the cause of women’s advocacy in the Muslim world and stunt the growth of local agencies to protect women. Rather than working with local officials and advising patience and restraint, they become filled with a warped since of self righteousness, taking the law into their own hands. This breeds mistrust in the hearts of government officials who truly wish to defend the rights of women, but fear, as in my case, that the oppressed quickly become the oppressor.
A S Woods
May 9, 2009

kanelli & chocoholic might help you.

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I highly doubt she has the support of those that she claims to have. She became a very controversial figure over a year ago when stories came out about her and witnesses came forward. I don't think things went as far as they could have due to her being married to a local. Her history can be found on the internet.

She has absolutely no right to interfere and act as Judge and Jury in family matters and enforce what she sees fit for children.

I wish you the very best of luck.

If your wife hasn't filed domestic abuse charges with the police it certainly looks bad for her to be hiding out with the kids at the shelter. I'm not sure why you appear to be blaming this Ms. Sharla Musabih though, since it is your wife who chose to leave with the children and she is the one who can return any time with them. I doubt that Ms. Musabih is holding them prisoner there. There is a need for shelters for abused women and children in the UAE, so I'd hate to see people discouraging their creation or maintenance.

kanelli wrote:If your wife hasn't filed domestic abuse charges with the police it certainly looks bad for her to be hiding out with the kids at the shelter. I'm not sure why you appear to be blaming this Ms. Sharla Musabih though, since it is your wife who chose to leave with the children and she is the one who can return any time with them. I doubt that Ms. Musabih is holding them prisoner there. There is a need for shelters for abused women and children in the UAE, so I'd hate to see people discouraging their creation or maintenance.

true kanelli, but why did you single UAE ?

kanelli wrote:If your wife hasn't filed domestic abuse charges with the police it certainly looks bad for her to be hiding out with the kids at the shelter. I'm not sure why you appear to be blaming this Ms. Sharla Musabih though, since it is your wife who chose to leave with the children and she is the one who can return any time with them. I doubt that Ms. Musabih is holding them prisoner there. There is a need for shelters for abused women and children in the UAE, so I'd hate to see people discouraging their creation or maintenance.

A shelter was established by Shk. Mo over a year ago. It was at that time that the stories of Sharla were starting to surface. There is a definite need for such shelters but should not be run on the whim of one individual. Shelters generally have professionals on hand to help those being sheltered and have working relationships with the authorities, but that was not the case with Sharla.

If what Mr Woods said is fact, Sharla does not have the authority nor the power to have children removed by someone who represents her. I was shocked to see that the school turned the children over to a "PRO". I guess they do not have authorization cards on file as to who can remove a child from school.

I can't help to notice that when Marnie Pierce was having her kids ripped away from her many people had a lot to say on the matter.

Here is a Dad, who by the virtue of a woman who has no legal jurisdication, who got involved with the EX-WIFE in an attempt to get the children out of the country without the father's knowledge, is being denied his parental rights. These rights were fought by and recognized for men who were being denied the right to be involved in their childrens lives.

People please remember the most important thing, THERE ARE ALWAYS THREE SIDES TO EVERY STORY! What he said, she said and the TRUTH!! That applies to the original poster's situation as well.

Mr. Woods, while I feel sorry for your situation, I cannot help but remind myself that there is no 'unbiased' evidence to support your "I'm innocent in all of this/I'm being wronged" claim.

I hope things work out for the best. Please keep us updated on any new developments.

uaekid, once again you are being a "kid". This is Dubai forums and the original poster is talking about the shelter in Dubai. The UAE lacks the same kind of protection facilities for women and children than are found in quite many countries in the world. I hope you can deal with that fact and it doesn't hurt your Emirati ego too much.

I haven't said at all that this is a fair situation, and I don't think it is right for mothers to keep their children away from fathers in a tit for tat about divorce. All I said was that the blame rests firmly with the wife who is the one who has run away to the shelter with her kids. Ms. Musabih has no authority to hold them there, is merely serving as an accomplice (which is not appropriate if there has been no abuse!) Mr Woods needs to talk to his wife and sort this issue out.

I've never heard of a shelter created by Sheikh Mo, and would love to hear more about it. Is it staffed by trained social workers and does it have legal support of the police and courts? The only shelter I heard of was the one run by Ms. Musabih, which I thought was already closed down due to money issues. I remember reading a couple of sets of articles on Ms. Musabih - one that claimed she was a terrible person, and another that said it was a smear campaign by people who don't support the fact that she runs a shelter for women and children. I have no idea who is correct.

Sharla started off sheltering women who were being abused and victims of of human trafficking. All well and good and commendable. But getting involved with a woman who wants to run with the children is a different matter and she should remove herself from such situations. Remember - its an EX-WIFE, which would indicate that in all probability Mr Woods and the ex did not live together.

This is the shelter.
http://www.ameinfo.com/132987.html

Mr Woods, Women try to help other women. sorry to hear what happened. Is there no way you can report her to the interpol or something for kidnapping your kids? I mean your kids were taken from you against your wishes and probably from your kids wishes too. You can try with kidnapping charges and if it works your way you might be in luck.

2ndly the media is very good. if she is in USA, try approaching CNN and say how a muslim woman hid your wife and children from you. CNN would certainly make a huge fuss about it in USA.

uaekid wrote:

kanelli wrote:uaekid, once again you are being a "kid". This is Dubai forums and the original poster is talking about the shelter in Dubai. The UAE lacks the same kind of protection facilities for women and children than are found in quite many countries in the world. I hope you can deal with that fact and it doesn't hurt your Emirati ego too much.

I haven't said at all that this is a fair situation, and I don't think it is right for mothers to keep their children away from fathers in a tit for tat about divorce. All I said was that the blame rests firmly with the wife who is the one who has run away to the shelter with her kids. Ms. Musabih has no authority to hold them there, is merely serving as an accomplice (which is not appropriate if there has been no abuse!) Mr Woods needs to talk to his wife and sort this issue out.

I've never heard of a shelter created by Sheikh Mo, and would love to hear more about it. Is it staffed by trained social workers and does it have legal support of the police and courts? The only shelter I heard of was the one run by Ms. Musabih, which I thought was already closed down due to money issues. I remember reading a couple of sets of articles on Ms. Musabih - one that claimed she was a terrible person, and another that said it was a smear campaign by people who don't support the fact that she runs a shelter for women and children. I have no idea who is correct.

you are mistaken again here or you haven't thought of carefully !! When you said there should be shelters in the UAE, did it cross your mind what will come after she seeks a shelter as a foreigner being on her husband visa! I'm speaking in general here. Now, my point is that "shelters" are for a last resort solution for such problems. There are courts and social police and advisers that deal with such cases, I hope you know that.

My point again is what will a shelter be of any use for a foreigner in the UAE? Nothing but a temporary solution until she gets deported, right? I mean if she is not working.

regarding locals, the courts are doing a good job in such abuse and recently are being serious about it in protecting women and most women are happy with the judges since they judge most of the time for the wives favor and force the abusing father to housing and child support.

so my Emirati ego is just saying think twice and understand the complex of such issues and the diff circumstances of cases like this one before you jump to a fraction of a sec conclusion that there should be shelters in the UAE.

You seriously lack brain cells uaekid. I think I understand the issues of domestic violence quite well and I have lived in your country and read the newspapers there since 2005, so I've seen both positive and negative stories about action and inaction in cases of domestic violence. There ABSOLUTELY needs to be shelters in the UAE, just like there needs to be and are in most other countries in the world. What would your suggestion be, that women and children turn up at police stations with their suitcases and ask to be housed in cells so that they don't have to stay in the house and risk being beaten or killed by their abuser? Should they wait and see if they survive the next attack, and then call the police to have the abuser arrested and hope that they keep him in the cell? What if they don't survive the attack? What if the police set him free? Stop being so naive!

that's your problem kanelli, you never look at the big picture and always refer to the 1st thing that pops up to your powerful brain. I guess that's why you failed to have a good decent life. good luck

uaekid wrote:that's your problem kanelli, you never look at the big picture and always refer to the 1st thing that pops up to your powerful brain. I guess that's why you failed to have a good decent life. good luck

Yet another useless post from you kid.

"I exercised my basic right as a human being to divorce my wife. " why?

It's very easy for a man to kick his wife out here I think. This man makes no explanation of his reasons or motives, which is worrying as he is obviously quite eloquent. He only boasts 'I am featured on the Federal Gov. Website!' which doesn't mean he is a good husband or parent. There is too little of this story for people to be making assumptions that either party is right or wrong, as dresden said above.

A woman in this country gets very little chance to keep her children after divorce no matter what the circumstances. Courts almost entirely rule in favour of the father. Therefore I can understand that she wanted to leave the country immediately, without going through any legal process. We have no knowledge of who was right or wrong in this divorce.

Speedhump wrote:"I exercised my basic right as a human being to divorce my wife. " why?

It's very easy for a man to kick his wife out here I think. This man makes no explanation of his reasons or motives, which is worrying as he is obviously quite eloquent. He only boasts 'I am featured on the Federal Gov. Website!' which doesn't mean he is a good husband or parent. There is too little of this story for people to be making assumptions that either party is right or wrong, as dresden said above.

A woman in this country gets very little chance to keep her children after divorce no matter what the circumstances. Courts almost entirely rule in favour of the father. Therefore I can understand that she wanted to leave the country immediately, without going through any legal process. We have no knowledge of who was right or wrong in this divorce.

SH: The quote "I am featured on the Federal Gov. Website" - he was quoting what Sharla said.

I tend to think he is an expat. What I read is that they were divorced but the children remained in the mothers custody. Granted no facts are noted, what remains is that the mother wanted to leave the country, taking the children away from the father. I think everyone has the right to divorce, regardless of the circumstances.

Speedhump wrote:"I exercised my basic right as a human being to divorce my wife. " why?

It's very easy for a man to kick his wife out here I think. This man makes no explanation of his reasons or motives, which is worrying as he is obviously quite eloquent. He only boasts 'I am featured on the Federal Gov. Website!' which doesn't mean he is a good husband or parent. There is too little of this story for people to be making assumptions that either party is right or wrong, as dresden said above.

A woman in this country gets very little chance to keep her children after divorce no matter what the circumstances. Courts almost entirely rule in favour of the father. Therefore I can understand that she wanted to leave the country immediately, without going through any legal process. We have no knowledge of who was right or wrong in this divorce.

well actually speedhumps, they give them up bcz they wana go on with their lives !! other wise it depends on the circumstances at hand ,so if he is in favor of the husband it only bcz they got an approve that she can't handle them to a cretin age.

I'll try to get statistics.

A friend of mine was involved in a situation here and I know the courts usually give the children to the father no matter what the mother's wishes.

Edit: spelling errors on mobile phone post!

uaekid wrote:

Speedhump wrote:"I exercised my basic right as a human being to divorce my wife. " why?

It's very easy for a man to kick his wife out here I think. This man makes no explanation of his reasons or motives, which is worrying as he is obviously quite eloquent. He only boasts 'I am featured on the Federal Gov. Website!' which doesn't mean he is a good husband or parent. There is too little of this story for people to be making assumptions that either party is right or wrong, as dresden said above.

A woman in this country gets very little chance to keep her children after divorce no matter what the circumstances. Courts almost entirely rule in favour of the father. Therefore I can understand that she wanted to leave the country immediately, without going through any legal process. We have no knowledge of who was right or wrong in this divorce.

well actually speedhumps, they give them up bcz they wana go on with their lives !! other wise it depends on the circumstances at hand ,so if he is in favor of the husband it only bcz they got an approve that she can't handle them to a cretin age.

I'll try to get statistics.

Well you must be reading a version of the Koran far different from the one I know, along with many other people.

Speedhump wrote:A friend) of mine was involved in a situation her and I know the courts usually give the children to the father no matter what the mothers ashes.

I'm abusing my brother in court LOOL well speedhumps you are better than judging based on 1 friend story !!

Basically it goes like this and this is in normal cases , kids under 12 goes to the mom and above to the father. Exceptions are made ONLY on both parties agreement .then comes health conditions,drugs or alcohol use,the time every party have to spend with the kids an so on speed humps.

I'm still waiting for the numbers.

Bora Bora. I'm not sure what you mean !! to be honest I don't read much.

could you explain please.

uaekid wrote:

Speedhump wrote:A friend) of mine was involved in a situation her and I know the courts usually give the children to the father no matter what the mothers ashes.

I'm abusing my brother in court LOOL well speedhumps you are better than judging based on 1 friend story !!

Basically it goes like this and this is in normal cases , kids under 12 goes to the mom and above to the father. Exceptions are made ONLY on both parties agreement .then comes health conditions,drugs or alcohol use,the time every party have to spend with the kids an so on speed humps.

I'm still waiting for the numbers.

Well she took legal opinion here on the whole matter so it's not her word at all, but a real live attorney's opinion! And the kid involved was under 2 years old.

But I hear what you say, maybe she got bad advice. She has been advised not to come back here as the father (her ex husband) may re-open a case and take the child even after 2-3 years.

She is the stable one and the father is quite unstable (actually medicated) but still she was advised not to return to UAE as the courts are anti-mother. Your information definitely goes against what the attorney told her!

uaekid wrote:Bora Bora. I'm not sure what you mean !! to be honest I don't read much.

could you explain please.

No need to explain kid. You got my point.

Under Sharia custody is very clear.

For interest, I have been reading:

Islamic perspective on child custody after divorce:

http://www.islamic-sharia.org/children/ ... vorce.html

It says here that if a woman does not remarry she may have custody until they reach a certain age, when they 'may' simply be taken away from her and given to the father. (there is an illustrative table on this page).

++
And a book which I have read and always refer back to, 'The Hidden Face of Eve' by Nawal El Saadawi (Egyptian):

'The girl over the age of nine is obliged to live with her father whether she likes it ot not. The boy at age seven can choose.'

++
Another article (this one about Saudi), this one is a personal opinion blog:
http://americanbedu.com/2008/05/15/divo ... s-custody/

Divorce in Saudi Arabia: Who Gets Custody?
Posted on May 15, 2008 by American Bedu

In spite of all efforts to preserve the sanctity of marriage, divorce continues to rise in the Kingdom whether with a Saudi or non-Saudi spouse. In the Kingdom, divorce and custody of children is based on the Islamic or Shariah law. Any child born with a Saudi father is viewed as a Saudi citizen and naturally a muslim. When an American woman marries a Saudi man and lives in the Kingdom, Islamic/Shariah law prevails. The US embassy does not intervene in child custody disputes between Americans and Saudis.

In the case of a divorce, if an American woman is married to a Saudi, she likely loses her sponsor (her husband) and therefore required to leave the Kingdom. Because under Islamic law the (Saudi) children are awarded to the father so in many cases the American woman must leave the Kingdom without her children.

Typically under Shariah law, a mother (muslim or non-muslim) in the Kingdom can maintain custody of her male children until the age of nine and maintain custody of female children until the age of seven after which custody is reverted to the father. If a divorced mother continues to have custody beyond those ages may depend on the father and the relationship between the divorced couple. And naturally the Saudi courts wish to have any child of divorced parents in the Kingdom continue to be raised in an Islamic environment.

+++

If this couple is an expat couple from country x or two separate countries, they should agree to move back and divorce and settle matters in the home country or one of the home countries. If the men are favoured for custody here or the man can play dirty and have his wife arrested for adultery to obtain custody (like what Ihab El Labban did to Marnie Pearce), then no wonder some women will start to flee with the kids when everything occurs in the UAE instead of on home country soil. People should spare themselves international custody battles.

kanelli the words 'divorce' and 'agree' don't often manage to get together in the same sentence!

kanelli wrote:If this couple is an expat couple from country x or two separate countries, they should agree to move back and divorce and settle matters in the home country or one of the home countries. If the men are favoured for custody here or the man can play dirty and have his wife arrested for adultery to obtain custody (like what Ihab El Labban did to Marnie Pearce), then no wonder some women will start to flee with the kids when everything occurs in the UAE instead of on home country soil. People should spare themselves international custody battles.

Ms. Kanelli it happens everywhere, especially in the EU even in uglier way. Why do you UAE bash each time with poor Brit Marnie Pearce?
Of course in her home country (UK) she would have ALL RIGHTS but Egyptian Ihab El Labban would have NOTHING.

Last case around kidnapping of own daughter between Frenchman Laurent Dubois and Russian woman Elena Kalinina confirmed this statement.

Ms. Kanelli, I hope you lie yourself. Before judging look at the mirror.

double post

Red Chief wrote:

kanelli wrote:If this couple is an expat couple from country x or two separate countries, they should agree to move back and divorce and settle matters in the home country or one of the home countries. If the men are favoured for custody here or the man can play dirty and have his wife arrested for adultery to obtain custody (like what Ihab El Labban did to Marnie Pearce), then no wonder some women will start to flee with the kids when everything occurs in the UAE instead of on home country soil. People should spare themselves international custody battles.

Ms. Kanelli it happens everywhere, especially in the EU even in uglier way. Why do you UAE bash each time with poor Brit Marnie Pearce?
Of course in her home country (UK) she would have ALL RIGHTS but Egyptian Ihab El Labban would have NOTHING.

Last case around kidnapping of own daughter between Frenchman Laurent Dubois and Russian woman Elena Kalinina confirmed this statement.

Ms. Kanelli, I hope you lie yourself. Before judging look at the mirror.

Red chief, this is Dubai Forums and we are talking about a UAE shelter, UAE laws, and actual case from the UAE. Why you think I am UAE bashing is beyond me. There are all kinds of screwed up international custody battles we could talk about, but again, the original poster is talking about his situation in DUBAI, UAE. I'm on topic.

The rest is just personal attack and not worth commenting on.