aisha7 wrote:update: i answered his calls, explained to him why i ignored him. he didnt get angry. i thought we were ok then. the calls that came after that talk were kinda different. he always act like he doesnt trust me or jealous when he hears voices of other people in the background. i was like...whats up wid that? then shifts back to being nice and sweet. moody huh?
Hi, I know this a very... very late answer
But for the record, I am from Syria... (i.e. Arab
) and I have to say that in general, arabs only look at friendship and girlfriends before marriage as a "walk on the wild side" or an experiance before marriage... but they don't usually get married to their girlfriends and go for an arrianged marriage at the end.
It's not that THEY're bad! but their families usually highly, highly object to this (ask me, my family almost disowned me when I told then I am thinking of marring a non-Syrian girl!--- she was Japanese, by the way!)
In the west, people can easily go against their parent's will because being very close to your family isn't a big thing in the west, they see them twice at year most... but we are expected to stay close to our immediate family and non-immediate ones as well... so there
Of course, I do have a friend from Yemen who got married to a Filipino girl... but that's the only exception of the rule... (plus, she did get convert to Islam... on her own, btw)
Excuse me but for someone who does not live in the west you seem know alot about western family ties.
I can only speak for the US and England, which are very similar in culture. I'm talking about the culture that developed hundreds of years ago. In the west we are what is called "open minded" and accepting. The majority have no objection to "mixed" marriages. As a matter of fact, it really isn't something that is given much thought. Those who migrated to the west and have "trouble" with cultures crossing over are those who migrated to the west one or two generations ago that hold onto their native cultural ways. These people are a very small minority, not the majority.
As for family ties, westerners see families more than two times a year. Many westerners have strong family ties, the difference is that each family is a family unit unto themself.
The majority of western parents, well I should correct that, the Mother, which is usually the case, does not interfere with their childrens marriage. We may not see our family every day, but there is always a phone call at least once a day.
I have seen mixed marriages marriages where Momma was intrusive and disruptive and in most cases it was the husband's mother. The fathers seem to stay quite because the Mother broke them along time ago.
I know many westerners who married into families of another culture and suffered from the husband putting Momma first and from Momma dictating to sonny on what he should and should not allow his wife to do, as well as badmouthing the wife. This behavior generally came from the fact that Momma didn't approve of sonny marrying "outside". This came from westerners marrying Arabs and Indians. I have even seen Arab and Indian couples where the husbands put Momma first.
Having close family ties is a good thing, but in moderation. Too much of anything is not healthy, and that includes immediate family and extended family.
As an Arab you know only Arab culture. I'm western and my husband is Arab so I am familiar with both cultures. I have been blessed with wonderful in-laws who are not intrusive or disruptive, but always welcoming and loving. Maybe that's because they live in another country.
I believe you made my point when you wanted to marry someone you loved, but didn't because your family came first. I'm sure that your mother is still looking for the woman she wants you to marry. Seeing that you are the good son, I'm sure you will silently accept it, even if it kills you, because it's all about pleasing Momma and what she wants that makes her happy isn't it?