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hi everyone! i spent some time reading ur posts and replys...although i never was a big fan of forums i felt like u r all a big group of friends, even when u make fun of each other, so i decided to share a big dilemma with all interested in the topic: IS THE AGE DIFFERENCE sucha big issue that can kill love or it's more like the so called LOVE felling was not genuine in this case?
last year i fell in love with a wonderfull man who is living in dubai, all i could ever want; kind, loving, intelligent and honest. we met online and the first chance he got, he come to my country...i was in heaven and i thought there was nothing more powerfull than our love, but it turned out to be different. he decided that i should not sacrifice my life with a man who is 24 years older, he put an end to everything. i spent months asking myself if this was a nightmare or not. it'a all past now, but i cant love any man, all i can think about is him and i cant even stand the ideea of any man but not him touching me. AM I CRAZY, STUPID OR WHAT? how can i get him out of my system?
any advice pr ideeas fiends?

Hi Alexandra,

let me be the first to respond from the man's point of view...also from someone who has been in the same situation but from the other direction.

My ex and I were separated by almost 18 years and it did not seem to make any difference to us at first. I was very happy that she still loved me despite the age gap and we were very close for many years. As she approached 30, however the differences became quite obvious. Whereas she was still interested in going out and partying, I found it increasingly less interesting to go to a club, and the sight of a middle aged man trying to keep up on the dancefloor and be trendy was embarrassing, so I just left it alone and let her do her own thing. It can get very lonely and boring sitting around in a dance club on your own just drinking.

We were still good friends and I never got in the way or stopped her doing any of the things she wanted to do and even encouraged her to go out and find a circle of friends she could enjoy herself with. We had our joint interests and our own individual interests to keep us happy.

When it came to the question of children however, she admitted that it scared her that when any child we had was 16 years old, I would be in my 60's. I didn't see any problem with that, but it obviously worried her...to the degree that she left me for a man younger than herself and they had their first child this year.

The age gap is only a problem if you let it be one. I did not see it as such, however I can see why the guy you met was worried you would find it increasingly difficult to handle the differences as you both got older. The gap does widen.

Some of my friends tried to console me after out break up with two sayings:

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you of their own will, then they are yours forever." and "Everything happens for a reason, you were never destined to be together". It did not feel like it at the time. I don't know if they hold any truth, however I have come to terms with history and accept that the gap is more in the mind than in the body.

Best of luck and I hope you find happiness.




Knight

thanks for the wishes Kinght!
i just read ur reply and the situation u had is almost the same, but i must say: i was never a partty girl, all i dremt was to have him and to be he's 4ever...and to be the mother of his kids, to feel that he is a part of me. to have a nice life, to stand him in his bad times and enjoy everything togedher.
now....it;s time to give up and go on, hope i will have some luck!
i started to see the situation from another point of view thanks to u...and as a friends saied to me: what doesn't kill u it will make u stronger1 i wish

The main question is “how you can get him out of your system”? You have to LIVE it /this relationship/ completely, as he didn`t allow you to do when he left your life. Think what you can do for this, what is possible to do… whether contact him or live it inside of you... You can`t run through it with the reasons you have /even if lots of people will tell you that the age difference is a great obstacle & would lead your relation to catastrophe/.

Indeed, as Dubai Knight has mentioned, "Everything happens for a reason, you were never destined to be together". Maybe you don`t even know his true reasons & maybe they even don`t matter. Maybe it`s destiny, & you have to discover what is fate & resignation.

[quote="Douce`Amere"]The main question is “how you can get him out of your system”? You have to LIVE it /this relationship/ completely, as he didn`t allow you to do when he left your life. Think what you can do for this, what is possible to do… whether contact him or live it inside of you...


the fact is that from time to time he calles me; in the begining of the conversation he is so formal, so cold, and even so i can't stop my emotions , i can't control myself, when i hear his voice, i see him in front of me, i start to remember all we had...last time he called he asked me if i found somebody else. i wanted to lie and to say yes, but i couldn't...i just kept being silent and after this he saied: i did this for u and i still love u like i never loved anyone in my life.
so what can i do? go after him and crawl at his feet, force myself into his life? i have dignity but still i cant make him out of my life, not yet

Alexandra do you mind if u told us ur age and his age ?!

Wafaey wrote:Alexandra do you mind if u told us ur age and his age ?!

if she is 6 years old then guy would be 30
if she is 20 the guy would be 44
if she is 30 the guy would be my daddy......dad

alexandra wrote:hi everyone! i i spent months asking myself if this was a nightmare or not. it'a all past now, but i cant love any man, all i can think about is him and i cant even stand the ideea of any man but not him touching me. AM I CRAZY, STUPID OR WHAT? how can i get him out of my system?
any advice pr ideeas fiends?

Is he a rich or you a stupid? well think something else too

" how long he can go"

Wafaey wrote:Alexandra do you mind if u told us ur age and his age ?!

i am 21 and he is 45 now...still i don't see the problem....

well HP, he has money but that is not the point and somtimes i cant believe how fool i became 'cause of the situation. but all logical arguments i may find against this feeling i still can't find my way out of this maze....
[/quote]

alexandra wrote:

Wafaey wrote:Alexandra do you mind if u told us ur age and his age ?!

i am 21 and he is 45 now...still i don't see the problem....

Well Alexendra young ppl tend to be more emotional than older ppl and they fall way harder and they get hurt easier. I'm not trying to take lightly or anything but there is some sort of age difference ppl can over come like lets say 10 yrs but 24 is too much and I agree with DK with everything he said.
My only advice to you try to keep urself busy with anything this is the only way u can keep ur mind of thinking about him. I know its hard everyone of us had their heart broken in some stage. Thank God we have the gift of forgeting cuz there is only one cure for ur situation it is TIME.

Take care

Wafaey wrote:

alexandra wrote:

Wafaey wrote:Alexandra do you mind if u told us ur age and his age ?!

i am 21 and he is 45 now...still i don't see the problem....

Well Alexendra young ppl tend to be more emotional than older ppl and they fall way harder and they get hurt easier. I'm not trying to take lightly or anything but there is some sort of age difference ppl can over come like lets say 10 yrs but 24 is too much and I agree with DK with everything he said.
My only advice to you try to keep urself busy with anything this is the only way u can keep ur mind of thinking about him. I know its hard everyone of us had their heart broken in some stage. Thank God we have the gift of forgeting cuz there is only one cure for ur situation it is TIME.

Take care

now that the man is out of your life, you should try to think positive as to how you would make a fresh start in life forgetting the past...

with full respect to your sentiments, personally i feel, the age difference was a bit too much which would become evident later..

after a certain age, when we become physically weak, its expected that the loving spouses would take care of each other..

do u think a man, 24 years older to you would be in a position to take care of you when you would be.. lets say, just 60..

they say.. time is the best healer... get on with life.. u r still young... and try to forget it as it was a dream...

The problem with age difference is there is always the question if genuine love exist. People can redefine their beliefs about love. You can love a man for being a good provider but the love is not so strong. Or you can love a guy for his good looks and great body but this is all he has to offer. You gotta have both or you can lower your standards so you can have a little of both with less repercussions.

Women who end up marrying much older men from my view just accepted what was handed to them and did'nt complain or they settled for that piece of happiness that made all the difference for them, full stop. When they got it they just did'nt look for anything else. It happens to people who don't have other options. If only one guy is circling around an unsuspecting prey without any competition, this guy can go instinctively for the kill. That's what happens when women just wait for someone to close in on them. Ladies, you don't have to end up like this. If you want something better, you better take matters into your hands.

I would say some possibilities to sudden termination:

A) He was worried about his wife finding out about u
B) His wife had already found out
C) He got to relive his youth and had his way with a 21yo, so you were of no further use

I was thinking the same thing X

alexandra wrote:

Douce`Amere wrote:The main question is “how you can get him out of your system”? You have to LIVE it /this relationship/ completely, as he didn`t allow you to do when he left your life. Think what you can do for this, what is possible to do… whether contact him or live it inside of you...

the fact is that from time to time he calles me; in the begining of the conversation he is so formal, so cold, and even so i can't stop my emotions , i can't control myself, when i hear his voice, i see him in front of me, i start to remember all we had...last time he called he asked me if i found somebody else. i wanted to lie and to say yes, but i couldn't...i just kept being silent and after this he saied: i did this for u and i still love u like i never loved anyone in my life.
so what can i do? go after him and crawl at his feet, force myself into his life? i have dignity but still i cant make him out of my life, not yet

Don`t freeze the moment for years, don`t try to stop yourself but, quite the reverse, go further & openly /in your mind to face real facts, in your heart, in your conversations, in everything/. You still don`t know in what direction it will go, & where is the end but you will move to it, you will feel easier. Let yourself free. If it`s a question of dignity, then… where is his dignity to involve in this relation knowing about the age difference from the beginning, to cross distances for that, & then to call & ask if you found anyone & make you suffer this way?..

Untill there is a comparison between He /calling you & telling he does all for the sake of love/ & ANY other men, he will stay hunting you. There should be the one whose personality you appreciate, try to comprehend, & so let into your heart & life. For that you should be free & open to SEE, & there is no any other way.

the fact is that from time to time he calles me; in the begining of the conversation he is so formal, so cold, and even so i can't stop my emotions , i can't control myself, when i hear his voice, i see him in front of me, i start to remember all we had...last time he called he asked me if i found somebody else. i wanted to lie and to say yes, but i couldn't...i just kept being silent and after this he saied: i did this for u and i still love u like i never loved anyone in my life.
so what can i do? go after him and crawl at his feet, force myself into his life? i have dignity but still i cant make him out of my life, not yet[/quote]

If he is still calling you, then maybe he is still interested. Or he is playing a very subtle and clever game of walking away and seeing if you will follow. Be careful, a man who plays with a girls affections and emotions like this is looking to control you and have you submissive to his power. Maybe he is insecure.

Others have said here that he may also have been looking for a good time with a younger woman, he had his fun and you are therefore no longer any use to him. In both cases, make the break. Make it clean, and move on with your life. It will not help you to keep looking backwards and will only lead to pain and disappointment in the end.

Change your phone number or don't answer his calls. He will stop calling after a while.





Knight

Good post/advice DK - whatt is they say about "old dogs and tricks" ??

Getting the young girl in old age gives the more pleasure than having the s.e.x in the back seat of car hehehe

When i was 24 , a teen age Pakistani chick of 14 became crazy -......about me. When i refused her , she started calling me days and nights. I called her daddy and told him to keep her in good limit otherwise i would inform the police.

When i was in Dubai , an indian aunti , who was 15 years oldr than me became emotional for me. When i stopped her , she started crying . Jesus , it was quite stupid ................Well when i waas coming back she gave me lot of gifts and sweet good bye kiss

i dated a married aunti few years back and i used to lay on the back seat of her car when ever she drived. I would have been killed by his Pakistani huband :p

The mother in law of my class fellow crushed on me but i refused to meet her She dated one of another friend for one year.........


strange things happen in Denmark

i think age difference must not be more than 2 or 3 years. ..............thats what my experience sayyyys.......

If it exceeds 10 or 20 years she must be insisting for cartoons and the guy crying for Discovery chanel

Amere, u just took out my thoughts is ur words...i must let him go because up until now he was like a drug i was addicted to. i must build up again the confidence in myself and i have to take small steps froward. but to prevent him to keep hunting me or making me take steps back i think i will use what Knight saied: change my phone number, email etc.
thanks all: it was about time for me to get up from the dirt, but i think i needed objective opinions to raise me up.

HP wrote:Getting the young girl in old age gives the more pleasure than having the s.e.x in the back seat of car hehehe

When i was 24 , a teen age Pakistani chick of 14 became crazy -......about me. When i refused her , she started calling me days and nights. I called her daddy and told him to keep her in good limit otherwise i would inform the police.

When i was in Dubai , an indian aunti , who was 15 years oldr than me became emotional for me. When i stopped her , she started crying . Jesus , it was quite stupid ................Well when i waas coming back she gave me lot of gifts and sweet good bye kiss

i dated a married aunti few years back and i used to lay on the back seat of her car when ever she drived. I would have been killed by his Pakistani huband :p

The mother in law of my class fellow crushed on me but i refused to meet her She dated one of another friend for one year.........


strange things happen in Denmark

HP you r the Dag But remember that someone u know will pay ur debt

well HP...seems like all this was good to ur ego. still: what goes arround comes arround

alexandra wrote:well HP...seems like all this was good to ur ego. still: what goes arround comes arround

U r dead right

Wafaey wrote:

alexandra wrote:well HP...seems like all this was good to ur ego. still: what goes arround comes arround

U r dead right

well thanks Wafaey. where r u from?

alexandra wrote:

Wafaey wrote:

alexandra wrote:well HP...seems like all this was good to ur ego. still: what goes arround comes arround

U r dead right

well thanks Wafaey. where r u from?

Cairo, Egypt

Hi Alexandra,

You are Romanian! You can definitely get over it! You are so young...As Caragiale said: "Every time we fall in love we think it's for the first time when we really loved"...You are letting your heart interfear with your judgement. I know this is not what you want to hear, but if he would have really loved you, he wouldn't have let you go. Age is a totally irrelevant state of mind... He probably had a couple of wives in Dubai that you didn't even know of. What do you know about him anyways? What he wrote to you in your online conversations? That he's a nice guy who took the trouble to come and visit you in Romania? Hmmmm...He didn't do you a favor; he did himself a little treat and obviuosly he didn't do it because he was overwhelmed with love. Ai grija si mult noroc...ii stiu ca-n palma...Just don't fall for all this! Pup.

Maia wrote:Hi Alexandra,

You are Romanian! You can definitely get over it! You are so young...As Caragiale said: "Every time we fall in love we think it's for the first time when we really loved"...You are letting your heart interfear with your judgement. I know this is not what you want to hear, but if he would have really loved you, he wouldn't have let you go. Age is a totally irrelevant state of mind... He probably had a couple of wives in Dubai that you didn't even know of. What do you know about him anyways? What he wrote to you in your online conversations? That he's a nice guy who took the trouble to come and visit you in Romania? Hmmmm...He didn't do you a favor; he did himself a little treat and obviuosly he didn't do it because he was overwhelmed with love. Ai grija si mult noroc...ii stiu ca-n palma...Just don't fall for all this! Pup.

caragiale.......lol, if i turn back the time and think on it it was not a drama, still what i thought i knew about him was all burned down after what he did, not that i am blameing him 100% for the failure but i do blame him for not having the courrage and the dignity to be honest. and when i started to get involved for sure i was not thinking about getting favours from him, cause if i wanted it, right now i will have a great car, nice jeweleries and so on...but i am glad i didn't go agains my principles so that now i am in peace with myself and not feeling cheap like all his money could have bought me! never!
p.s ii cunosti asa de bine? lol ai dat si tu peste exemplare de genu'?

Hello Alexandra,
Think after reading all these supportive words you feel better. Such situation is better to think what do u Have than what u lost. First of all u are able to love, it’s a gift from God.
I don’t like talk much about new love that will treat an old wounds, and for sure you’ll meet.
But such situation advice you spend some money for new clothes and make up, or hair style. Go to disco (I remember u aren’t club;s girl), but dance helps to overcome stress (here I can advice u belly dance and u’ll see after sometime how feminine you are).

Smile and support to u

aruba wrote:Hello Alexandra,
Think after reading all these supportive words you feel better. Such situation is better to think what do u Have than what u lost. First of all u are able to love, it’s a gift from God.
I don’t like talk much about new love that will treat an old wounds, and for sure you’ll meet.
But such situation advice you spend some money for new clothes and make up, or hair style. Go to disco (I remember u aren’t club;s girl), but dance helps to overcome stress (here I can advice u belly dance and u’ll see after sometime how feminine you are).

Smile and support to u

thank u so much aruba, u r so kind. yes after all this i feel better, i must confess that i felt better after puting it in words and get it out of my brain. it was a real support all the advices and sweet words from nice people like u. lol, i did almost everything of what u mentioned, new clothes, new haircut, but still i am not a big fan of disco or clubs. belly dance? never tried it before but i will see if i can get someone to teach me!!!. there is a nice man arround, insisting to convince me to take a chance, but still i feel like i cant be 100% devoted, but i hope for better days!