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More jokes Oct 16, 2009
A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1 .

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

_______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta..

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of

all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!


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Oct 16, 2009
A young lad Ed lived in England and bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he
drove up saying, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'

Ed replied,� Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Ed said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'what ya gonna do with a dead donkey?

Ed said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, you can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Ed said, 'Sure I can, I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Ed and asked, 'What
happened with that dead donkey?'

Ed said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £2 each and
I made a profit of £898.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Ed said, 'Just the guy who won, so I gave him his £2 back.'

Ed now works for the UK government.

For those who read this, Ed Milliband is our UK Government’s top Wind Turbine Minister getting a gullible public to pay massive subsidies into the Renewable Obligation Certificate system to rip us all off by scaremongering about climate change and global flooding by allowing foreign multi national Wind Turbine developers onto our hills and coastlines aided by bent planning rules devised by his cunning UK government.

-- Mon May 03, 2010 8:59 am --

Last week , Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling thought up a cunning plan to get the rural vote in the West Country. So they put on brown sports jackets, corduroy trousers and cloth caps , bought a sheepdog and went to to the lounge bar of a Dorset country pub, knowing a photographer would spot them and put their picture in all the papers . Their "country look" would then gain them millions of rural votes!

As they sat in the lounge supping their pints of real ale , with the sheepdog lying at their feet, a local came in from the bar , lifted the tail of the dog, and walked out without a word.

Ten minutes later , another local did the same. Lifted the dog's tail, and left without saying anything !

This carried on for 2 or 3 hours. Several locals came in from the bar, one at a time, lifted the tail of the dog without a word, and went back to the bar.

In the end, Darling could not help his curiosity, any longer . So he asked the barman................................ "Is that a local country custom,around here, to lift the tail of a dog, without uttering a word, and then leave ? "

"Oh No ! " said the barman. "It was just that a man came in here not long after you came in . Then he went into the bar and told all the locals............. There's a sheepdog in the lounge with two arseholes !!!"
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