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My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She complains, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!". So I bought her an electric chair.

7. Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

8. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

9. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

10. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?".... I said, "Dust!”



The Top 6 Indications Your Family May be Dysfunctional

6. Your mother and your pre-teen sister are always fighting over the last beer.
5. Your new baby sister is named after a famous serial killer.
4. Holidays are usually celebrated by sniffing glue and kicking a toaster around the house.
3. Your sibling informs you he doesn't care to be your cellmate anymore.
2. You have to buy separate Mother's Day cards for each of Mom's personalities.
1. Family discussions usually begin with, "Put the gun down."

oh, to be back home in mississippi..