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Rasha Elass

Last Updated: February 04. 2009 9:30AM UAE / February 4. 2009 5:30AM GMT Ninety per cent of Italian men live at home until they get married, and they look for a wife who can “cook and clean like Mama does”, according to a survey that caused a few ripples in Italy. In my experience, Arab men are not much different.

I know I’m committing the intellectual crime of generalising, and I agree with William Blake when he said: “To generalise is to be an idiot.” But isn’t it time for the Arab man to divorce his mother?

Islamic culture rightfully gives a great deal of reverence to the mother archetype. The Virgin Mary is mentioned at least 34 times in the Quran, and numerous verses remind worshippers to be kind to their parents, especially their mother. The Prophet, himself an orphan, is said to have stressed the importance of the company of a mother to a man who asked: “Who among people is the most worthy of my good companionship?” The Prophet replied: “Your mother… then your mother… then your father.” And one of the most referenced hadiths in everyday family interaction in many typical Muslim families is: “Your heaven lies under the feet of your mother.”

I think men fall into two categories: those who are “emotionally married” to their mum, and those who managed to break the “emotional umbilical cord”. I don’t have to look much further than my own family for some examples of the former.

I have an aunt who managed to convince her fortysomething son to divorce his wife of 15 years – practically dumping her at the in-laws’ along with their teenage daughter – to marry a younger woman “so that he could have a son”.

“Oh yes, we’re much happier now with this one,” my aunt said at a recent family dinner – referring to her son’s new wife, a beautiful 30-year-old who had just delivered a healthy baby girl. She has since had a beautiful boy, much to the vindication of my meddling aunt. I can already guess who will be his mother’s darling in that family.

When I lived in the United States I often came across Arab men who became romantically involved with American women, sometimes for years, until they felt “ready to marry”. They then did the inevitable: called Mum and asked her to find them a wife in the home country.

When I visit Damascus I hear endless stories of mothers on the lookout for the perfect bride for their son: the process often resembles shopping for the best deal they can afford. One cousin, after living in the US for years, decided in his early thirties that it was time for Mum’s advice on picking the right wife. So he called his mother in Damascus and asked to have prospects lined up for him to meet on arrival. “He only has two weeks here,” his mother explained. Then she got very busy making calls and asking around for banat – which literally means “girls”, but is used to describe eligible women.

After three or four trips from the US over the course of 18 months, he and his mother finally agreed on a good prospect. But when the young woman refused to negotiate on her dowry, my aunt told her son it was time to move on. And he did, eventually marrying another young woman, also of his mother’s choosing.

I once worked with a Syrian widow who has several teenage and adult children. She told me about her young daughter-in-law, who lives with them. “That one? She’s wonderful,” she boasted. “I picked her myself, unlike my other daughter-in-law. My son met her in college and they decided to get married on their own.”

A few western girlfriends of mine have been on the receiving end of such dramas. Mini fell in love with a Jordanian man, but when their relationship advanced towards talk of marriage, his mother interfered and asked him to stay in Amman. His choice was to do so, or to leave his mother behind and marry Mini. In the end, he stayed – and ended up with a young Jordanian woman who saw eye to eye with his mother about staying in Amman. I am sure that promises of marriage by an Arab man to a western woman end up more often than not thwarted by the man’s mother.

Another one of my aunts was asked what she would do if her son, at the time studying in the UK, married a British girl. “I told my son when he’s living there he can have his fun and do whatever he wants,” she said. “But he knows that when he’s ready to get married he’ll let me know, and I’ll find him a nice bint [girl] in Damascus.”

When he moved to Dubai for work, his family lined up a few good prospects for him to meet. But none worked out, and recently his mother was devastated to find out that he had, after all, married a British girl, and they are expecting their first child.

She stopped visiting him.

and?

sorry i dont get this. where is it leading to. to cut the story short. what is the message

it is not a culture thing, the westerns kicks their teen ones out or force them to leave .they have no family values. I lived with an American family for 1 year I know that. feel sorry for them though them teens forced to work on fast food restaurants

uaekid wrote:it is not a culture thing, the westerns kicks their teen ones out or force them to leave .they have no family values. I lived with an American family for 1 year I know that. feel sorry for them though them teens forced to work on fast food restaurants

Must be great culture then where your allowed to have "fun" with white girls and then mom finds you a "bint".

K-Dog wrote:

uaekid wrote:it is not a culture thing, the westerns kicks their teen ones out or force them to leave .they have no family values. I lived with an American family for 1 year I know that. feel sorry for them though them teens forced to work on fast food restaurants

Must be great culture then where your allowed to have "fun" with white girls and then mom finds you a "bint".

instead of blaming the culture you should in fact blame that individual "sick" person. you will find many in uae or even in UK who do it. its not a culture thing to do but how a man thinks of a woman. from your passage i can tell they were "players", playing around having fun and then bye. whats that got to do with the culture. guys from every race, culture and religion do it. are you saying that british guys when they go to thailand, they dont have local friend, promise them many things and you dont hear from them forever?

rudeboy wrote:

K-Dog wrote:

uaekid wrote:it is not a culture thing, the westerns kicks their teen ones out or force them to leave .they have no family values. I lived with an American family for 1 year I know that. feel sorry for them though them teens forced to work on fast food restaurants

Must be great culture then where your allowed to have "fun" with white girls and then mom finds you a "bint".

instead of blaming the culture you should in fact blame that individual "sick" person. you will find many in uae or even in UK who do it. its not a culture thing to do but how a man thinks of a woman. from your passage i can tell they were "players", playing around having fun and then bye. whats that got to do with the culture. guys from every race, culture and religion do it. are you saying that british guys when they go to thailand, they dont have local friend, promise them many things and you dont hear from them forever?

As I recall your not an Arab, so why are you opening your big mouth? Or is it just a habbit and you can't help it?

K-Dog wrote:

rudeboy wrote:

K-Dog wrote:

uaekid wrote:it is not a culture thing, the westerns kicks their teen ones out or force them to leave .they have no family values. I lived with an American family for 1 year I know that. feel sorry for them though them teens forced to work on fast food restaurants

Must be great culture then where your allowed to have "fun" with white girls and then mom finds you a "bint".

instead of blaming the culture you should in fact blame that individual "sick" person. you will find many in uae or even in UK who do it. its not a culture thing to do but how a man thinks of a woman. from your passage i can tell they were "players", playing around having fun and then bye. whats that got to do with the culture. guys from every race, culture and religion do it. are you saying that british guys when they go to thailand, they dont have local friend, promise them many things and you dont hear from them forever?

As I recall your not an Arab, so why are you opening your big mouth? Or is it just a habbit and you can't help it?

lol OUCH guess i touched a nerve there lol. some1 is in a bad mooood today.

you are just showing other that you are aiming at their culutre k-dog, beside it is as you always said a public forum (public)

you sniff alot for a dog k-do LOOOOL

rudeboy wrote:

K-Dog wrote:

rudeboy wrote:

K-Dog wrote:

uaekid wrote:it is not a culture thing, the westerns kicks their teen ones out or force them to leave .they have no family values. I lived with an American family for 1 year I know that. feel sorry for them though them teens forced to work on fast food restaurants

Must be great culture then where your allowed to have "fun" with white girls and then mom finds you a "bint".

instead of blaming the culture you should in fact blame that individual "sick" person. you will find many in uae or even in UK who do it. its not a culture thing to do but how a man thinks of a woman. from your passage i can tell they were "players", playing around having fun and then bye. whats that got to do with the culture. guys from every race, culture and religion do it. are you saying that british guys when they go to thailand, they dont have local friend, promise them many things and you dont hear from them forever?

As I recall your not an Arab, so why are you opening your big mouth? Or is it just a habbit and you can't help it?

lol OUCH guess i touched a nerve there lol. some1 is in a bad mooood today.

I guess it is his time of the month LOOOOOOOOOOOL

uaekid wrote:you are just showing other that you are aiming at their culutre k-dog, beside it is as you always said a public forum (public)

you sniff alot for a dog k-do LOOOOL

Nope just having a discussion and some narrow minded (RB) has to call it a cultural attack. I'm well aware of the cultural differences mama's boy. And also note that the article was coming from an Arab lady published in the National newspaper

K-Dog wrote:

uaekid wrote:you are just showing other that you are aiming at their culutre k-dog, beside it is as you always said a public forum (public)

you sniff alot for a dog k-do LOOOOL

Nope just having a discussion and some narrow minded (RB) has to call it a cultural attack. I'm well aware of the cultural differences mama's boy. And also note that the article was coming from an Arab lady published in the National newspaper

. hey add the link or the moderators will edit your post ,it's the rolls here.. yaa right.

Here you go numbnuts.

http://www.thenational.ae/article/20090 ... 29149/1080

K-Dog wrote:

uaekid wrote:you are just showing other that you are aiming at their culutre k-dog, beside it is as you always said a public forum (public)

you sniff alot for a dog k-do LOOOOL

Nope just having a discussion and some narrow minded (RB) has to call it a cultural attack. I'm well aware of the cultural differences mama's boy. And also note that the article was coming from an Arab lady published in the National newspaper

:S i wouldnt be suprised if some arab lady had been ditched in the similar way. shit happens welcome to the world. move on instead of writing a article about it. lol the amount of time ppl have seriously.

uaekid wrote:it is not a culture thing, the westerns kicks their teen ones out or force them to leave .they have no family values. I lived with an American family for 1 year I know that. feel sorry for them though them teens forced to work on fast food restaurants

That is hilarious! As a Westerner I will point out that many teens have part time jobs working at fast food restaurants etc. because they are making money for their own entertainment and saving for school. They are not forced to do it, it is part of our culture and there is a whole job market for teens. In addition, late teens leave home to attend college or university upon completion of high school. How this constitutes parents "kicking" the kids out of the house as teens, I don't know. The only people kicking their teens out are those families who have out of control teens who are completely disrupting the house. That is definitely not the majority of parents.

most of the time westerners dont even they have a kid one night stand on the beach and vince becomes a dad and he doesnt even know about it

rudeboy wrote:most of the time westerners dont even they have a kid one night stand on the beach and vince becomes a dad and he doesnt even know about it

Who the hell are you to judge others?

Don't worry Sage, rudeboy just feels lucky that all the prostitutes he slept with so far were on birth control and his condom didn't break. Maybe he'll create a ba.s.t.ard child yet.

kanelli wrote:Don't worry Sage, rudeboy just feels lucky that all the prostitutes he slept with so far were on birth control and his condom didn't break. Maybe he'll create a ba.s.t.ard child yet.

OUCH. tell me about pulling a nerve

kanelli wrote:Don't worry Sage, rudeboy just feels lucky that all the prostitutes he slept with so far were on birth control and his condom didn't break. Maybe he'll create a ba.s.t.ard child yet.

kanelli you have shown your true colours. i could have gone down to your level and claim that you already have bas.tard children. instead i wont say that cos i am sure your children are wonderful. anyways now you know how a muslim feels when his/her religion is target. now you know how they feel like when their families are put at risk.