How To Drive Men Mad & Away

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How to Drive Men Mad & Away Sep 17, 2008
Warning!

Hold Harmless Clause: Don't Continue to read and don't adapt to this attitude if you don't want to scare men away...or make them mad and run after you for years turning it to obsession! (Seriously, a lot do!)

Idea # 1: The Flower Story

When you receive a flower, grab your camera and give the flower to your gay friend...then shoot!

Tada! One great tool to piss off the man who gave you the flowers.

Send it to him with a message "Mr. X (who is gay, we love them), says Thank You for the flowers.

Warning#1: He can get really mad to an extent of crossing you out of his life for good if he's got some serious intentions over you.

Warning#2: If he's got really serious, serious intention over you, he will try again sending you flowers (since you didn't have the opportunity to keep the first one) and will find your creativity too funny!

farthestpoint
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Sep 18, 2008
Yes, but this sort of trickery can bite you in the 'assets'! I refer you to the 'Bottle of Wine' scenario:

A young lady sitting in a fancy restaurant on her own receives a bottle of the very finest wine from the waiter with a note.

The note says:

"Hello, I could not help noticing that you are all alone and looking rather sad and I thought this bottle of Chateau Latour Grand Premier Cru 72 might make your evening a little brighter." X

The waiter indicates a very well dressed and handsome man sitting at a table across the room and tells the lady it is for her with the gentleman's complements.

She writes a reply on the note and the waiter delivers it back to the man:

"Sir, thank you for the kind offer of the wine, however for me to accept this gift would be seen as a form of acceptance of you as a potential sleeping partner. In order for this to happen you will also need the following:
1. $1 million in the bank
2. A Mercedes Sports car
3. At least 9" in your trousers!"

The guy smiles and adds his comments before giving the note back to the waiter for delivery.

His response is:

"Madam, for your information I do not have $1 million in the bank, I have $22 million currently, an investment portfolio worth over $280 million, a $20 million mansion in Beverly Hills, an apartment overlooking central Park, a villa in Antibes and a central London house in Mayfair.

I don't have a Mercedes sports car, but I do have a McLaren, a collection of classic Ferraris, a Bugatti or two and a warehouse full of priceless vintage cars. My personal chauffeur is parked outside right now in my custom Bentley.

And finally, if you think I am going to cut 3" off the end for you, you are sadly mistaken...just send the bottle back!"


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Knight
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Sep 18, 2008
Give them to your Mum.

If he persists, start a florist shop.
Captain Australia
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Sep 18, 2008
This is hilarious too but really rude......it's UNINTENTIONAL rudeness and more of an innocent joke....

Idea # 3: The Special Use of Speaker Phone

The conversation started this way...

Guy: "You know I am going back to the US for a week. Your perfume is very nice. What is that?"

...and so thinking that he is buying somebody in his home country a gift...I suddenly turned so helpful to a point of even taking a photo of the perfume from the internet, where I bought it from and sending all the necessary information to him...

The following day, I arrived at my office and to my surprise, a gift is lying at my desk...no name who it is from...

I opened the gift, and inside is a note that says..."What is the best gift?" Answer: "The gift you had chosen yourself."

...and so I knew who it came from.

Ofcourse the story did not end there....

Another gift came after an interval of some time...

There came the great idea!

I called my friend, who happened to be his Direct Manager. Liaise with him for some great fun.

He called the guy to his office, he's one of the Engineers who report to him directly. And so the special use of the speaker phone came alive.

His office is far from our Department's office (I was in Oil & Gas Industry at that time). Even before the guy came, his phone is already connected to our office, in speaker ofcourse.

My friend immediately questionned the guy in an extremely serious, bossy tone:

"Why are you disrupting the Sales Department? What is this gift left there? Are you the one doing this?"

If you might want to ask, yes, all the Sales Department are listening to this conversation!

And so the guy answered in a shaky voice: "I am just being friendly, no harm cause."

His Manager: "Being friendly, and what about the story of the perfume? You call that being friendly?!"

The Guy: "Sorry, it won't happen again."

His Manager: "Make sure of this, you're excused."

Then the line went dead.

...after over 5 minutes, my friend came rushing to our office -- bursting in laughter.

This is his exact line: "If you only see his face turning so white...I had a hard time holding my laughter!"

...oooopppppsss, it's like CNN & Reuters had been called and the guy never again tried giving unsolicited gifts!

Warning#1: The downside is, you feel bad at the end because you realize that in another point of view, it's really hurtful to the other person's feeling.

Warning#2: If you like him, forget about it!

For the sake of fun would I do it again? YES.
farthestpoint
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Sep 18, 2008
wanted to read but its too long,, any short jokes?
studstar
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Sep 18, 2008
jepp.... herself
short enough?
M!
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Sep 18, 2008
M! wrote:jepp.... herself
short enough?


Wow, you've got some great sense of humour.

Humour us more! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
farthestpoint
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Sep 19, 2008
I quite enjoyed the longer story.

Reminded me about the time I bought this girl some perfume and then got told off about it by my boss...Oops!

:shock: :shock: :shock:

Knight
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Sep 20, 2008
What did you do afterwards Knight? Just stopped?

I want to hear your story....hmmm, read...if you don't mind.
farthestpoint
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