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The Lookout wrote:McCullough makes a statement on parents who overdo it in a modern society focused on collecting achievements. "You've been pampered, cosseted, doted upon, helmeted, bubble wrapped ... feted and fawned over and called sweetie pie." But he adds in a video on Wellesley Channel TV YouTube page, "You see, if everyone is special, then no one is. If everyone gets a trophy, trophies become meaningless. ... We have of late, we Americans, to our detriment, come to love accolades more than genuine achievement."

McCullough's address does push students to recognize real achievement: "The fulfilling life, the distinctive life, the relevant life is an achievement," and he encourages graduates "to do whatever you do for no reason other than you love it and believe in its importance."

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/hig ... 09954.html

I agree with this guy

We call them mummy daddy kids and see more and more of them

On another forum there is always a conversation going on about kids and teens and how they are raised with a sense of entitlement. This sense of entitlement is instilled in them by their parents. I saw a saying that went something like: we want to leave a better world for our children, how about we leave the world with better children. Parents need to learn to say "no" once in a while. Today an achievement is a 5 year old having the lastest mobile phone, a pre-teen and teens finding life isn't fair if they don't have the latest sneakers, Ipads, laptops, and as they get older achievements are how much you have, how many you have, having the latest, and not understanding the value behind what they own. This is what children aspire to.

So true BB.

I've been thinking about the young people I see who audition for singing, dancing, or other talent shows and they have no talent at all in those areas and are completely indignant at the judges who tell them the truth about their "performance". Why? Because they have parents, teachers, friends etc. telling them they are great and they have talent, and they should keep working at it. Then there is the example of a Shriya Shah-Klorfine, a 33 yr old woman who recently died while climbing Mount Everest. Kudos to her for having ambitions and trying to pursue her dreams, but I don't think she was very realistic. According to the news reports, she wasn't much of a climber and hadn't climbed other large mountains as practice, rather she hiked and ran around wearing heavy back-packs to train herself for the climb. Nowadays, anyone with money can pay to experience climbing Mount Everest - there is no skill or proper training required. Despite knowing that even well-experienced climbers have perished, some people put "Climb Mount Everest" on their bucket list, and they barely do adequate preparation for the climb because they truly believe that they can do anything and they have people encouraging them to do it (especially if they receive money).

Great topic.

The sense of entitlement is very palpable amongst many youngsters I've dealt with and to my mind derives largely from the way they've been brought up by their parents.

I've seen this in Mauritius and also in a number of African countries, as well as in Europe and the States - and there seems to be a pattern. Well meaning parents want their children to have the 'best' - but there's a marked difference between say first generation immigrants and second generation immigrants. The children of first generation immigrants/expats generally are pushed to achieve more than their parents - and there is a sense of working hard to achieve results. Plus there is the life experience of seeing your parents working hard for their things, and living with the 'normality' that you can't have everything you desire.

The next generation typically say 'I don't want my children to 'suffer' like I did' .. and this leads to the pampering. The schooling system etc doesn't help, but reinforces this.

I've experienced this first hand when employing and managing staff. There are marked differences between some 20 somethings in terms of expectations and attitudes - a few are willing to work hard, get experience and work their way up and recognise the value others have. Many more though are naively over-ambitious and have an over-inflated view of what their worth is. They don't put the work in and expect to be rewarded with the status of experienced (and hardworking) colleagues after just one year (and in some cases a few months!).

What is also fascinating is that the 'old money' set have a mixture of children - there are a few who are idle rich and supremely arrogant etc.. but there are many who are brought up with a work ethic that you have to work hard etc.. These are families where generations of wealth has accumulated - rather than those where parents build up a fortune and the kids fritter it away and the cycle starts again.

These are just observations - I don't believe I have all the answers, quite the contrary I am pretty sure I could be a much better parent.. but we do conciously try and not fulfil every desire. But then again, with 4 children and moving around the world, we've learnt restraint when it comes to buying things ...

Cheers,
Shafique

Here is an article that is interesting - "Five Reasons to Stop Saying 'Good Job'" http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm

AlfieKohn wrote:...Lest there be any misunderstanding, the point here is not to call into question the importance of supporting and encouraging children, the need to love them and hug them and help them feel good about themselves. Praise, however, is a different story entirely. Here's why...

1. Manipulating children

2. Creating praise junkies

3. Stealing a child's pleasure

4. Losing interest

5. Reducing achievement

...

jackpott wrote:Contrary to what others here write, my little girl will always be special for me

Every child is special to a parent.

The problem is when that child grows up thinking s/he is special in general and has certain expectations - such as never hearing no from his/her parent but others telling them no, bad behavior - what is deemed "cute" or tolerable by parents doesn't necessarily transfer as being the same to everyone else. Did you ever meet a child that you didn't like? I've met a few. It's unfortunate but because the reasons for not liking them were a result of the parents and they way they were raising that child. I love when lazy parents excuse a child for bad behavior with "S/He'll grow out of it". Sure they will, when they find out that the world isn't ready to cater to them.