Lebanon In A Nutshell (joke)

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Lebanon in a nutshell (joke) Aug 23, 2005
General Facts:

1) Lebanese society is one of mutual imitation.

1.1) In Lebanon, everybody is observing you and you are observing everybody else.

1.2) In Lebanon, people don't go out to have a good time - they go out to show the community that they're having a good time.

1.3) In Lebanon, people don't buy goods because they like them, but because they think other people like them.

1.4) In Lebanon, fashion and collective hysteria coincide.

1.5) In Lebanon, incapacity to keep up with your neighbors' level of consumption relegates a human being to nothingness or otherness (see Hegel on otherness).

1.6) A Lebanese will go into debt to buy something he doesn't need in order to impress people he doesn't like.

Civil Wars:

2) Some historical Lebanese civil wars: The I-have-a-more-expensive-cellular-than-you wars, The I-have-more-Sri-Lanki-maids-than-you wars, The I-have-a-new-Mercedes wars, The My-Leather-Jacket-is-better-than-yours wars.

Lebanese Contributions to Ethics:

3) A Lebanese has the right to break the law if he sees others breaking the law.

3.1) A Lebanese has the right to throw garbage out of a car window if he sees others throwing garbage from a car's window.

3.2) A Lebanese has the right to smoke in a non-smoking area if he sees others smoking in a non-smoking area.

3.3) A Lebanese knows that it is acceptable to bribe officials when he sees others bribing officials.

3.4) A Lebanese has the right to run a red light if he sees others running a red light.



The Lebanese Constitution:

4) A politician will always pass power to his eldest son.

4.1) A politician will always give his family and his followers government jobs.

4.2) Because of an outside conspiracy unrelated to 4.1, Lebanon has the highest rate of useless public servants in this part of the universe.

4.3) A politician has a duty to enter into conflicts of interest.

4.4) A Lebanese will always vote for a candidate from his village even if he knows that he is a corrupt idiot.

4.5) A Lebanese politician will always promise to fight corruption.

Lebanese Modern Culture:

5) Lebanese modern culture is about conformity to Western ideals and the careful removal of every bit of national originality.

5.1) A Lebanese feels superior to other Lebanese if the goods he consumes do not come from Lebanon.

5.2) A Lebanese has an inherent contempt for everything his country produces.

Poverty and the Class System:

6) In Lebanese society, contempt for the poor is metaphysical.

6.1) The Lebanese class system is fluid and based on the monetary worth of the individual, as a result:

6.2) The Lebanese differentiate themselves very rigidly from those they consider as being part of the lower class.

6.3) In courtship, a Lebanese man will use a woman's poverty as a bargaining chip.

6.4) A Lebanese woman feels insulted if a poorer man asks her out.

6.5) Lebanese society has a caste system in terms of nationalities: Sri Lankans are somewhere on the bottom level, but slightly above garbage, whereas the French are slightly below God.

6.6) A Lebanese will treat a world-renowned Nobel winning Pakistani astrophysicist as garbage and will kiss the foot of a French imbecile (if he happens to have a nice Parisian accent).

Conspiracy:

7) Every single thing wrong in Lebanon is caused by an outside conspiracy.

7.1) A Lebanese is not responsible for the massacres during the civil war even when he was the one doing the shooting.

7.2) Members of Lebanese society will condemn confessionalism as practiced by other confessions, while cheerfully practicing it with other confessions.

7.3) It is always their fault.

Lebanese Superiority:

8) The Lebanese are superior.

8.1) Did you know that Shakespeare was actually Lebanese? (Sheikh Zbeir)

8.2) Did you know that the Lebanese invented the alphabet (and not those slightly-above-garbage morons from the Indian sub-continent)?

8.3) The Lebanese have an inborn knowledge of every single subject in the universe, including medicine and philosophy.

8.4) Every single Lebanese is a board-certified doctor.

8.5) Any Lebanese will prescribe you antibiotics, anti-depressants and sleeping pills if you ask them nicely.

8.6) Because of an outside conspiracy unrelated to 8.5, Lebanon has one of the highest rates of medicinal drug addiction in the world.

8.7) A Lebanese becomes a philosopher after he reads "The Prophet" by K. Gibran.

8.8) "The Prophet" is the second greatest book in history just after the Quran. Did you know that Gibran was Lebanese?

Marriage:

9) A Lebanese man will never marry a woman if she is not a virgin.

9.1) A Lebanese woman will never have sex with a man if she thinks that he is marriage material.

9.2) Unrelated to 9.1, all Lebanese men's wives were virgins before marriage.

9.3) The marriage of a woman is the affair of the whole extended family and of the neighbors.

9.4) Pressure on a woman to get married is applied by the whole extended family and the neighbors.

9.5) An unmarried woman with a Ph.D. is a failure.

Liban
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Aug 23, 2005
hahahhaa....how very true.

I need to print this out and tack it to the wall in Serai.

"Sheikh Zbeir" but of course. haha


glad you can have a laugh at your own expense, Liban :wink: lebanese blokes are the cutest and weirdest in the world. god bless lebanon.
BobbieMasoner
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Aug 23, 2005
You also know you are Lebanese when:

1) You speak of how great your family business in Lebanon is in order to pick up girls... Only thing is that you omit the fact that your family's "business" is goat herding...

2) You wear a leather jacket no matter what the weather is like, all in the name of being "cool"...

3) You drive around in a pimped out BMW or Benz and wear designer fashions to impress your colleagues, friends, and people in general... But you hide the fact that you live in a hut...

4) You take the song "I wear my sunglasses at night" to heart...

:lol: :lol: :lol:

These are actually jokes I invented or heard from friends of mine....
Liban
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Re Aug 23, 2005
Liban : Are you originally from Lebanon !!! coz the word Liban is almost similar to the word Lebanon in Frensh !!!
Umass
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Aug 23, 2005
Yes, yes I am :)

And yes, Liban is French for Lebanon...
Liban
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Re Aug 23, 2005
What a surprise :lol: . I never thought I am that smart :glasses7: .
Lucky my husband ,he got married to me :love4:
Umass
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Aug 24, 2005
BobbieMasoner wrote:hahahhaa....how very true.

I need to print this out and tack it to the wall in Serai.


Thats funny i was reading it and saying i can replace every "In Lebanon" with a "In Sarai" .. lol
MaaaD
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Aug 24, 2005
MaaaD wrote:
BobbieMasoner wrote:hahahhaa....how very true.

I need to print this out and tack it to the wall in Serai.


Thats funny i was reading it and saying i can replace every "In Lebanon" with a "In Sarai" .. lol


the crowd squeaks in Serai, all that pleather rubbing together :wink:
BobbieMasoner
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