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.... the approaching police car, which then crashed through the window of the pharmacy. The robber, seizing his chance in the ensuing confusion, kneed Fred in a rather sensitive spot and made his escape. As Fred, lay on the floor, gasping in agony, he watched as the police searched and handcuffed a dazed Granny.

this brought Fred to his senses, hey you stupid Bobbies, thats my

Grandmother you are handcuffing, does she look like the kind of person

who would rob anywhere?, your Grandmother, Mmmmmm, so they came

over to Fred and arrested him as well, stating that who would be charged

with conspirecy to rob the pharmacy along with his Grandmother, but

just then.....

..........the pharmacist rushed out of his wrecked pharmacy and explained what had gone on to the police. Granny's heart melted as she watched him. He finished his story and their eyes met. Granny blushed and giggled like a teenage girl. Suddenly, like a bolt of lightning.........

the Pharmacist grabbed Granny and kissed her, she wrapped her arms

around him and they ran off back into the Pharmacy.

Fred could not believe his eyes, here was hid aged Grandmother acting

like a love struck teenager, it just wasn't good enough, so he stormed

into the Pharmacy, only to find.....

....Granny and the pharmacist hunting desperately for a packet of Durex and some Viagra tablets. Fred was horrified, but luckily the store was in such a mess after the crash. Leaving the lovelorn pharmacist behind, Fred dragged Granny kicking and screaming into the street. She was making such a fuss that.................

Fred decided to get her to the local Starbucks, where he could give her

a stiff dose of caffene in order to calm her down.

As they entered Starbucks who should they meet but Grannies younger

sister Evelyn, she was extremely exited for no apparent reason, so they

decided to question her as to why she was so exited, and she told them....

.................that she had been shopping in her local supermarket, and who should she bump into but Quentin Tarantino. Being a big fan, Evelyn had asked for his autograph and they'd got talking. Asking why he hadn't made a movie for a while, Tarantino replied that he'd run out of ideas.
"That's interesting," Fred said, " because.................

I never thought you had any ideas, in fact most of what you have done is

completely without any kind of sense. At this point Evelyn up and slapped

Fred for his comments, Fred pushed her in to the display cabinet and

cakes were strewn all over the floor. The Manager immediately called the

police, Granny knowing her already tarnished rep decided to.....

......call Tarantino and sell him the movie rights to the blockbuster novel she planned to write about her experiences. As Fred and Evelyn continued to hurl abuse and strawberry cheesecake at each other, Granny quietly slipped out. Settled into the back seat of a Dubai cab, she got out her mobile and dialled 181.

Directory enqiries was required by Granny as she needed to contact

someone who could bring some sanity back in her life, she asked for the

number of her good old friend and companion, Arnie, she and Arnie had

spent may years together and she wanted him back in her life to sort out

this mess, she got the number, dialed, the phone was picked up and...

HP answered .... "Carrefour home delivery, what can I do for you?" Granny cried ...

"Hello, yes, I was wondering if you had any sanity restorers?"
HP guffawed: " Lady, are you crazy? Who do you think I am - Sanity Claus?"
Granny was furious and immediately demanded to speak to the manager of the section. After hurling a few more insults down the line, HP told her to hold on while he transferred her to his manager. Suddenly, a deep sultry voice filled her ears:
" Hello, Lt. Bleakus speaking........"

how can I be of assistance Madam, well at least we have one Gentleman

in the place Granny thought. Granny asked Lt. Bleakus if he was aware of

the rude and ungentlemanly behavour of his staff, namely one HP, what

is he by the way a sauce saleman?. Lt. Bleakus replied that yes he was

awre of this problem but unfortunately HP was......

........the son of a local sheikh and that they had to keep employing him because he had big wasta.
"Wasta schmasta! " cried Granny. " I'll give him wasta."
Rudely hanging up on an apologetic Bleakus, she rushed out into the street and hailed the nearest cab.
" To Carrefour," she told the driver, " and step on it."

The taxi driver looked round at Granny and asked which carrefour she

wanted, Granny told him the one that does the home delivery service, he

replied, how am I supposed to know which of the stores doea a home

delivery, better still get out of my cab before I call the Police on you. Well

this was it for granny, she lifted her bag and....

.....set about the poor unsuspecting cab driver with her Gucci handbag which she had recently purchased in Karama. Soon a crowd of onlookers had gathered, blocking the road, and as Granny continued to berate the taxi driver, the sound of police sirens could be heard in the distance.

Granny was impervious to the noise of the sirens, she just was

determined to punish the cab driver for not taking her to Carrefour. The

police were getting nearer, Granny was hitting harder, then who should

happen along, it's Ian, Granny's Godson, Ian grabs granny around the

waist and pulls her away to.......

...... the new Oval cricket ground in Dubai.
" Granny," he exclaimed breathlessly, " We need you in silly-mid off. The English are killing us. "
"But I am English, " Granny exclaimed.
"Yes, but I'm your godson, don't you love me?" Ian pleaded, putting on his best puppy dog lost look.
Of course Granny, who doted on him, gave in. Getting her knitting needles out of her bag, she asked:
" Do I have time to knit myself a nice Arran jumper? "

Yes Granny, with the traffic as it is in Dubai today you can knit a couple,

one for me as well. By the way Granny, when we get to the New Oval,

you have to promise me that you will not shout for England. Ian, you

stupid boy, how could you say such a thing, I will never give up my right

to shout for Queen and Country as she belts him around the head with

her handbag....

..then suddenly she comes to her senses and realises that the story of her life carries on. At her age, death was inevitable a long time ago yet she had avoided death. She then wondered, what she hadnt accomplished but wanted to. Most of all, she wanted to..

travel to the USA, she told the cab driver to head for Dubai International

Airport, Ian is confussed, but then that's not an unusual state for him.

Granny is rumaging through her bag, yesssssss, she has her Passport

with her. They reach the Airport and she goes straight to the Emirates

counter to purchase her ticket, when suddenly...

..a man walks upto her smiling. Granny being a cordial person herself smiles back at him. He walks right upto her and whispers in her ear. " Try not to scream and I will try not to fire the gun in my hand and scatter ur brains"
Granny is frozen with fear as the man steers her in the direction of passengers boarding with his gun shoved into her ribs. Granny is too shocked to wonder how he is going to get her on board without her papers and ticket.

Granny approaches the boarding gate, she is shaking with fear, however

she also realises that it will be a problem to board her flight if she doesn't

have a ticket, with this in mind she slowly starts to form a plan of action

in here mind, when suddenly, out of the blue, she hears someone

shoutiing her name, at this the gunman.....