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How is this fair?


SarahC what do you think?
RobbyG Please provide us with a little additional information about his and her nationality, age, education and stuff like this, because its hard to say something about people that have other values then I (or we) have in North Western Europe. I would love to answer you, but it won't make any ground without the proper context of culture and education. Info please. kanelli RobbyG, none of that info has anything to do with the situation or the poster's questions. My answer is that she is well rid of the guy. If he doesn't love her as she is then she is better off finding someone else. He'll find himself a virgin to marry, but may never find the happiness he could have had with her if they were in love and a good match. He may be regretting one day, but that is his problem. zuzudiva i had a same situation. he found a virgin and married her, and not really happy. so, i totally agree with u. worldguy Damn, I wrote a real big message and it never came online .... worldguy
There are issues every where. I know of an african girl who had a great online thing going with the white dude, but when they met he just walked away as he would only be with a white girl. This girl was lovely and the guy adored her during their 3 months before they met.
People always walk away from something so good, because of our own set perceptions. Do not see the world with one point of view, that you do, but never realise.
In this case a certain person might behave because of the perceptions they live in.
I feel sad for the girl, but happy for her as well as she will find somebody that respects her. this guy would always have controlled her and she would have felt a captive for life with his beliefs and perceptions. Chocoholic It's not fair it's true. But that's some guys for you. They'll be very hypocritical and allow themselves to go around and have fun, but the girl they want to settle with has to have a clean slate as it were. In this day and age it is rediculous and very selfish. HOwever, some cultural upbringings / religious might have been at play here. worldguy No doubt the hym** surgery is so popular. It defeats the whole purpose, but if that is what some men want, so be it. Chocoholic Excuse me! And what about what women want? kanelli It isn't even reliable - even virgins can be missing the hymen because of previous activities like gymnastics, horse riding and bicycle riding etc. Think how many women in this world have been punished for not being virgins just because of the hymen.

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Chocoholic This is sooo true. It means nothing these days. kanelli Women have been killed over it, and as a woman it makes me very sad that such atrocities can be committed due to lack of education about biology and simple bias! MC You guys are playing it out to be like he is the bad guy here. Well there's likely a lot more to it. Regardless, even if that was the ONLY reason, I think it's justifiable. Some of you are claiming that he is giving up a 'happy' life just for that. Well did you ever think that he may never truly be happy if they actually were still together? Maybe he would keep thinking about those other guys every time they were intimate. Maybe he doesn't wanna be compared to anyone else. Or maybe he had moral values different to yours that don;t allow him to be with someone who views s.ex the way she did. (What the hell why is s.e.x censored?!! Seriously that is just retarded) I think he did the right thing. People rush into everything and act on their feelings all the time. then worry about those supposedly "miner" problems later. That is when the problems start, and the deeper you are, the worse it is. If he felt like it was something he couldn't deal with, then the best thing to do for both of them is to leave her. RobbyG
It does have something to do with her question. Its says alot about the person and his values. Their culture might ask for virgins. Well you can't blame the guy for following his believes and low educations standards.
But I agree, from my standpoint its very clear the guy is a nutter and should go to another school of thought and religion :lol:
But that cliche talk of you guys won't help a bit. Its just the same old song again. Try ask and think about the actual reasons for this guy. Perhaps his family demands that. PErhaps he's jealous. Perhaps old fashioned. Uneducated and unable to reason.
Just lets talk cliche again huh. Thats what you want.... :? :twisted: Misery Called Life Before we drive a car we test drive it, b4 we buy a laptop, we test it, b4 we buy a sofa we sit on it, yet before we Marry a woman we want a virgin? C'mon if sexual compatibility between Husband and Wife is nil, then you can bid goodbye to a happily ever after. I always advocate first live-in then marry. All you guys on this thread, be honest. Wouldn't your gf's sexual history matter? Ex lovers? Personally as long as two people are honest about their relationship (and their pasts) upfront, then it's ok. Otherwise there could be friction! SarahC For those who were wondering, they are both muslim arabs. Shes 24 and hes 26, and both educated. I understand that in some cultures its important for a girl to be a virgin, but if shes not, does that mean she doesnt have a chance at love or marriage? And im not talking about a girl who has been with several guys, just one, and it was a very serious relationship. Why should she have to pay? Dont we all do things we regret? I just think, especially in this case, it was a stupid thing to do. He loved her very much, and to let her go because of this was a waste. Just my opinion. Misery Called Life As i said earlier, it's a question of honesty! Was she honest about her past right at the onset of her relationship? MC
If they guy is a devout Muslim then the only way he really could accept her is if she regretted it and she asked for forgiveness from God for it. If her mentality is that s.ex before marriage is ok, then that is a whole other issue. Cause that is where the kids get involved. If she did regret it, then his decision is likely more based on not being able to deal wit ha woman who has been with another, rather than moral values. SarahC She didnt tell him straight away, because she felt it was too personal to share. But when she realised things were going good and the relationship was going somewhere, she decided to be honest about it. Its not like he asked her and she lied. MC, as far as i know, she is only ok with s.e.x before marriage if the relationship is very serious. Like i said, she was planning on getting engaged to the other guy, but due to some problems, it never happened. Of course now she regrets it because she didnt think they would break up. And about the guy, i dont think it had to do with religion, i think it was more likely he didnt like the idea that there was someone else. And that is what makes me mad. I know so many women who engage in other acts to remain a virgin, yet their future husbands have no idea and think they married an innocent virgin.
worldguy
I was refering to the above post and in that context. In general it always has to be both ways or its doomsday anyway. worldguy
I was with some men earlier and asked them the same question. This is based on 5 arab men, but all of them will only marry if the wife is virgin and if she lies, they can find out and divorce her on the first night itself. These guys were educated and surely do not respresent the whole Arab world, but other friends were all shocked at their behaviour. But, what contradicted this whole thing was the fact that they are fine with marrying a Russian, even though she might have slept with others. I was like whattttt.
The reason they game me was shocking and too much to post here, but that was the reason i wanted to know if the Arab women will go out with non arab expats. RobbyG
To be honest, it sounds like those men have the mindset of a 15 year old boy that still thinks he's searching for that one perfect virgin out there.
Its time they move to Europe. Will be lonely for them ;) worldguy They are fine with the European girl Robbie. That is where the irony is. RobbyG
The irony, is that no European woman wants them in Europe. 8) worldguy I would disagree mate as I know quite a few such couples ..... you seriously need to get out more. RobbyG
Keep focussed please ;) I'm talking 'those men'. Not the integrated/assimilated ones that found their luck in a Euro lady.
Try and pay some attention. Your manipulating the point. Princeee Misery im agree with you SarahC Worldguy, im really interested in knowing their reason.If you dont want to post it here, could you pm me? thanks Also, how old are these men? And where are they from? PointGiven
3 Months and they didn't even exchange pictures? Weird. PointGiven
Sorry to say this, but this is bordering foolishness. How do you expect us to believe this crap? All men can make any women believe that they are going to marry her just to get into her pants, that's not a reason for the women to let it just happen, especially knowing what kind of a big deal is it to loose virginity in the Arab-Muslim Culture/Society/Tradition. It's a No-No. Men are also supposed to be virgins when they marry too. It's harder to prove though:) SarahC PointGiven, she didnt just hop into bed with some guy she barely knew, it was a 4 year relationship. And im sorry, but if virginity is such a big deal in the arab culture, then why dont men keep their pants on? Most men go off and have fun, then when its time to settle down, they want a virgin. If the guy is a virgin, thats a whole other story, but i will never understand how men can sleep around then expect their wife to be a virgin. PointGiven
You know 4 years or 10 years, she's just not supposed to hop into bed and that is it. If I play with fire and know that it can burn me, I just don't do it. I am just telling it as it is. That's the rules in Arab/Muslim society. If you don't play by them, you better have a backup plan. There are things where logic, pragmatisme and common sense don't make sense:-) And as I said, men are also supposed to be virgins, but hard to prove. Ettayibine li attayibate. It's going to be a lost venture to rewrite the rules in this subject. Probably not in my life. SarahC Ok, but what about women who engage in other acts just to preserve their virginity? Is that better than a girl who is being honest with you about her past relationships? I was shocked to hear how common it is for women to satisfy their boyfriends in other ways, just so they remain virgins. PointGiven Well, if you are asking my personal opinion, I can deal with the truth, but I can't deal with lies. I prefer to know and her being honest with me so I can deal with it, than find out later on. SarahC Unfortunately, many do lie, so theres no way to know, just like its impossible to know whether a guy is a virgin. Which is why i think the truth is always better, even if its not what you want to hear. PointGiven
So tell me, this friend of yours, is it you? :D PointGiven The truth is that a lie can serve you one day, but the truth serve you all the time. SarahC No, its not :) Why is it when people post anything on the net, someone always comes along and asks that question? PointGiven
You tell me 8) SarahC If i knew i wouldnt ask now, would i ? :wink: But if i were to guess, maybe some people just arent comfortable talking about their own personal lives, i dunno. PointGiven Only teasing, but true, some people are uncomfortable probably talking about their own personal lives, even behind a monitor. kanelli I don't blame the girl at all in this. Why should she feel like less of a person or ashamed for giving herself to someone she loved and thought she'd be marrying? She wasn't running around sleeping with every guy she could. Besides, how do we know what the guy's s.e.x.ua.l history is? So many guys hide their s.e.xual past and still expect to marry a virgin, even though they didn't stay a virgin for marriage themselves. There are lots of women who use lots of foreplay and an.a.l s.e.x so that they still appear to be virgins for marriage. If all he cares about is seeing some blood on the sheets when he gets married, then fine, he can delude himself that he's found a pure woman who he doesn't have to feel s.e.x.ually inferior to. worldguy
You just did the same as me, but will never accept that.
Anyway getting to the subject. I had another conversation over dinner as its the perception of Arab women that makes it difficult for some Arab men to view them with respect.
Before any one thinks of having a go at me (There are lot of fools here), this is as I heard.
The Arab are fake from the outside and never disclose the inside. What they show on the outside is plastic and in inside they are all chasing the money. The arab guy will be with a European lady and trust her as she would mostly stay faithful once in a good relationship, but they will always suspect the Arab women.
I personally found this very weird as some of the Arab women I know are really good at heart and dedicated to their husbands. They are quite sensitive, some can be stubborn, but they can not be branded. i feel there are different people in all races and religion.
In addition the other thing is that Arab men expect Arab women to stay virgin and should only lose it to their husbands, but rest of them come from different cultures and thus we need to adapt to that. After that I just sat there quiet as that mindset coming from a successful bunch or arabs in their late 20's was shocking. I hope these guys are just a small percentage and do not reflect the broader mindset of arab men. Bora Bora
Very enlightening words of wisdom. I'm going to have to research this. Misery Called Life Some guys tend to get really possessive when in love. You need to be tactful when dealing with them. You see as far as relationships here are concerned, it's sad, but the stakes are always higher for the woman. The thing with Arab girls is that they are supposed to get married really young. Even 24-26 is considered old for them. If they are not married by 30 then the chances of them finding a husband are really bleak. They end up settling as the second or third wife. So here's what I think happened: Maybe the guy was just seeking an exit from the relationship or just dilly dallying, but the girl coerced him into staying on. She probably blackmailed him saying that since everyone knows we're a couple you gotta get married to me. And then the guy pulls out his 'Virgin' trump card. But when nature pushes you in a corner, you just adapt. Maybe that's why I've found Arab women to be that much more wiser, nicer and mature as compared to their male counterparts. Trust me eventually this place will be ruled by the women folk. Leda U can always say who's got a headake on friday morning :D RobbyG
In theory that might be right, but in practice it will be forbidden ;)
Who votes for a renewed Cleopatra? :lol: PointGiven MSL, Most Women are more mature than Men of the same age period. It's not an Arab thing. Misery Called Life
Point Taken.
I guess as you get older, the gap reduces. Bora Bora
MCL, we are always waiting for the man to catch up but, and this is endearing, there is always that little boy in them that refuses to grow up. PointGiven
I am the perfect example, and I am enjoying it :) Bora Bora
:wink: Misery Called Life
Cleo's definitely got my vote. Actually there some outstanding female visionaries in the GCC .
Check out a Kuwaiti candidate for the upcoming polls:-
Bahrain's ambassador to the US
UAE's very own
Bora Bora MCL, I worked with Lubna for a year. She is one of the smartest people (gender excluded) I have ever met. A very, very hard worker. There are men who don't want to stand toe-to-toe with her because she would eat them up and spit them out. RobbyG
The eyes want something too MCL. Just think of a beautiful Cleopatra. A woman to be desired but powerful at the very same time.
Beauty with vision please ;)
We want to attract investors, not scare them away from the UAE :lol: Misery Called Life
Wow....Lucky you.
I was particularly impressed with her stand on labor reforms. She took a lot of flak for it. In fact Bahrain's decision to scrap the sponsorship system was an idea that was initiated by her. Off course it didn't go down well with the business community here.
Her track record is indeed impressive. Misery Called Life
In Business
CEO Jafza
CEO Dubai Infinity Holdings
Good enough Robby? Beauty and Brains! :D Bora Bora
Well you know Rob, women like eye candy also. And if you look at Carl Lagerfeld who built an empire, he's not exactly easy on the eyes. Not now, nor was he ever. PointGiven RobbyG
Now we're talking business :lol: ;) RobbyG
I agree luv.
Its either the product you sell or the face that goes around it.
Both is the best I guess ;) Flying Dutchman Who the hell wants a virgin? You need to teach them everything and are usually very shy in bed. Much better to have an experienced partner! They know tricks :D Bora Bora
True, so true.
Oh, my bad, you are talking about women. Sharp Hmm!!.. well that's very Sad, i have came a cross with so many people who had same problem's with their mate's, I mean it's cruel to leave a person just becouse somthing happend with her in past!... we guy's 're hapy to be with a women even if she willing to sleep with uss ..BUT.. when it come's for marry we Just making issue's n i think that's the most offten issue we had for that!.... I would Just say, she get ride from the guy becouse who she thought he love's her were just a Fake loser!.... In my way! you love a girl then live with her in present n think for the future!! no Past should be there realted with anything!!........ eyad84 he is a stupid guy, and its totally his loss a girl is not evaluated by virginity, she has the heart, brain and look when I am with a girl, I will want her for sure if she doesnt want it b4 marriage, i would respect this, but if she choses to have sex, its totally her choice finally although one night stands are yuck, but sex between two in love is the best thing in life and waiting till marriage doesnt make it better, it will be good at any time for ever



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