Legendkiller
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, when you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone
you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk one day when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick
Hannifin. Could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down! I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had
accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After I hung up, I spotted the wrong number still lying on my
desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person answered once
more, I yelled, "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his number,
I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer. Every
couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had had a really bad day,
I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It
would always cheer me up.
Later that year, the phone company introduced caller ID. This
was a real disappointment for me. I
thought I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one
day I had an idea. I dialed his number and heard his voice, "Hello." I
made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office at the telephone company. I'm
just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?"
He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him
back
and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"
(Keep reading, it gets even better!)
The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the
slot.
I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out.
Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black
Camaro came flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulled into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "Hey, you can't do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his
Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even
hear me. I thought to myself, "This guy's a jackass. There
sure are a lot of jackasses in this world." Then I noticed he had a "For
Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number
and hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten
off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a jackass!"
(It's really easy to call him now, since I have his number
on speed dial.)
I noticed the phone number of the guy with
the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought, "I'd better call this
guy, too."
After a couple rings, someone answered the phone and said,
"Hello."
I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house
and the car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes."
"Don, you're a jackass!"
I slammed the phone down. After I hung, up I added Don's number to mymspeed dialer. For a while, things really seemed to be going better for me. Now, when I had a problem, I had two jackasses to call.
Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up
on it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem
some serious thought and came up with a solution.
First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely
saying, "Hello." I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black
Camaro's parked out front."
"I'm coming over there right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung
up.
Then I called Jackass #2.
He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt!"
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over, right now,
Jackass!"
I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them
I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay
lover as soon as he got home. I made another quick call to Channel 13 about
the gang war going on down on West. 34th. After that, I climbed into
my car and headed over to watch the festivities.
Glorious!
If you want to watch two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other infront of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter, I taped it off
the evening news. Give me a call. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
sage & onion
Quite a story LK, I think I will be making that call myself tomorrow :lol:
gtmash
You'll get deported for doing that here, sage.
sage & onion
- gtmash wrote:
You'll get deported for doing that here, sage.
I know, but I can dream can't I? 8)