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age difference....is it such a big issue?


alexandra hi everyone! i spent some time reading ur posts and replys...although i never was a big fan of forums i felt like u r all a big group of friends, even when u make fun of each other, so i decided to share a big dilemma with all interested in the topic: IS THE AGE DIFFERENCE sucha big issue that can kill love or it's more like the so called LOVE felling was not genuine in this case? last year i fell in love with a wonderfull man who is living in dubai, all i could ever want; kind, loving, intelligent and honest. we met online and the first chance he got, he come to my country...i was in heaven and i thought there was nothing more powerfull than our love, but it turned out to be different. he decided that i should not sacrifice my life with a man who is 24 years older, he put an end to everything. i spent months asking myself if this was a nightmare or not. it'a all past now, but i cant love any man, all i can think about is him and i cant even stand the ideea of any man but not him touching me. AM I CRAZY, STUPID OR WHAT? how can i get him out of my system? any advice pr ideeas fiends?
Dubai Knight Hi Alexandra, let me be the first to respond from the man's point of view...also from someone who has been in the same situation but from the other direction. My ex and I were separated by almost 18 years and it did not seem to make any difference to us at first. I was very happy that she still loved me despite the age gap and we were very close for many years. As she approached 30, however the differences became quite obvious. Whereas she was still interested in going out and partying, I found it increasingly less interesting to go to a club, and the sight of a middle aged man trying to keep up on the dancefloor and be trendy was embarrassing, so I just left it alone and let her do her own thing. It can get very lonely and boring sitting around in a dance club on your own just drinking. We were still good friends and I never got in the way or stopped her doing any of the things she wanted to do and even encouraged her to go out and find a circle of friends she could enjoy herself with. We had our joint interests and our own individual interests to keep us happy. When it came to the question of children however, she admitted that it scared her that when any child we had was 16 years old, I would be in my 60's. I didn't see any problem with that, but it obviously worried her...to the degree that she left me for a man younger than herself and they had their first child this year. The age gap is only a problem if you let it be one. I did not see it as such, however I can see why the guy you met was worried you would find it increasingly difficult to handle the differences as you both got older. The gap does widen. Some of my friends tried to console me after out break up with two sayings: "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you of their own will, then they are yours forever." and "Everything happens for a reason, you were never destined to be together". It did not feel like it at the time. I don't know if they hold any truth, however I have come to terms with history and accept that the gap is more in the mind than in the body. Best of luck and I hope you find happiness. :lol: :lol: :lol: Knight alexandra thanks for the wishes Kinght! i just read ur reply and the situation u had is almost the same, but i must say: i was never a partty girl, all i dremt was to have him and to be he's 4ever...and to be the mother of his kids, to feel that he is a part of me. to have a nice life, to stand him in his bad times and enjoy everything togedher. now....it;s time to give up and go on, hope i will have some luck! i started to see the situation from another point of view thanks to u...and as a friends saied to me: what doesn't kill u it will make u stronger1 i wish Douce`Amere The main question is “how you can get him out of your system”? You have to LIVE it /this relationship/ completely, as he didn`t allow you to do when he left your life. Think what you can do for this, what is possible to do… whether contact him or live it inside of you... You can`t run through it with the reasons you have /even if lots of people will tell you that the age difference is a great obstacle & would lead your relation to catastrophe/. Indeed, as Dubai Knight has mentioned, "Everything happens for a reason, you were never destined to be together". Maybe you don`t even know his true reasons & maybe they even don`t matter. Maybe it`s destiny, & you have to discover what is fate & resignation. alexandra

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Wafaey
Well Alexendra young ppl tend to be more emotional than older ppl and they fall way harder and they get hurt easier. I'm not trying to take lightly or anything but there is some sort of age difference ppl can over come like lets say 10 yrs but 24 is too much and I agree with DK with everything he said.
My only advice to you try to keep urself busy with anything this is the only way u can keep ur mind of thinking about him. I know its hard everyone of us had their heart broken in some stage. Thank God we have the gift of forgeting cuz there is only one cure for ur situation it is TIME.
Take care ajoy
now that the man is out of your life, you should try to think positive as to how you would make a fresh start in life forgetting the past...
with full respect to your sentiments, personally i feel, the age difference was a bit too much which would become evident later..
after a certain age, when we become physically weak, its expected that the loving spouses would take care of each other..
do u think a man, 24 years older to you would be in a position to take care of you when you would be.. lets say, just 60..
they say.. time is the best healer... get on with life.. u r still young... and try to forget it as it was a dream... :) Torvalds The problem with age difference is there is always the question if genuine love exist. People can redefine their beliefs about love. You can love a man for being a good provider but the love is not so strong. Or you can love a guy for his good looks and great body but this is all he has to offer. You gotta have both or you can lower your standards so you can have a little of both with less repercussions. Women who end up marrying much older men from my view just accepted what was handed to them and did'nt complain or they settled for that piece of happiness that made all the difference for them, full stop. When they got it they just did'nt look for anything else. It happens to people who don't have other options. If only one guy is circling around an unsuspecting prey without any competition, this guy can go instinctively for the kill. That's what happens when women just wait for someone to close in on them. Ladies, you don't have to end up like this. If you want something better, you better take matters into your hands. XRW-147 I would say some possibilities to sudden termination: A) He was worried about his wife finding out about u B) His wife had already found out C) He got to relive his youth and had his way with a 21yo, so you were of no further use arniegang I was thinking the same thing X :wink: Douce`Amere
Don`t freeze the moment for years, don`t try to stop yourself but, quite the reverse, go further & openly /in your mind to face real facts, in your heart, in your conversations, in everything/. You still don`t know in what direction it will go, & where is the end but you will move to it, you will feel easier. Let yourself free. If it`s a question of dignity, then… where is his dignity to involve in this relation knowing about the age difference from the beginning, to cross distances for that, & then to call & ask if you found anyone & make you suffer this way?..
Untill there is a comparison between He /calling you & telling he does all for the sake of love/ & ANY other men, he will stay hunting you. There should be the one whose personality you appreciate, try to comprehend, & so let into your heart & life. For that you should be free & open to SEE, & there is no any other way. arniegang Good post/advice DK - whatt is they say about "old dogs and tricks" ?? :wink: Dubai Knight the fact is that from time to time he calles me; in the begining of the conversation he is so formal, so cold, and even so i can't stop my emotions , i can't control myself, when i hear his voice, i see him in front of me, i start to remember all we had...last time he called he asked me if i found somebody else. i wanted to lie and to say yes, but i couldn't...i just kept being silent and after this he saied: i did this for u and i still love u like i never loved anyone in my life.
so what can i do? go after him and crawl at his feet, force myself into his life? i have dignity but still i cant make him out of my life, not yet
If he is still calling you, then maybe he is still interested. Or he is playing a very subtle and clever game of walking away and seeing if you will follow. Be careful, a man who plays with a girls affections and emotions like this is looking to control you and have you submissive to his power. Maybe he is insecure.
Others have said here that he may also have been looking for a good time with a younger woman, he had his fun and you are therefore no longer any use to him. In both cases, make the break. Make it clean, and move on with your life. It will not help you to keep looking backwards and will only lead to pain and disappointment in the end.
Change your phone number or don't answer his calls. He will stop calling after a while.
8)
Knight HP Getting the young girl in old age gives the more pleasure than having the s.e.x in the back seat of car :P hehehe When i was 24 , a teen age Pakistani chick of 14 became crazy -......about me. When i refused her , she started calling me days and nights. I called her daddy and told him to keep her in good limit otherwise i would inform the police. When i was in Dubai , an indian aunti , who was 15 years oldr than me became emotional for me. When i stopped her , she started crying . Jesus , it was quite stupid :roll: ................Well when i waas coming back she gave me lot of gifts and sweet good bye kiss :wink: i dated a married aunti few years back and i used to lay on the back seat of her car when ever she drived. I would have been killed by his Pakistani huband :p The mother in law of my class fellow crushed on me but i refused to meet her :P She dated one of another friend for one year......... strange things happen in Denmark :P
HP i think age difference must not be more than 2 or 3 years. ..............thats what my experience sayyyys....... If it exceeds 10 or 20 years she must be insisting for cartoons and the guy crying for Discovery chanel :) alexandra Amere, u just took out my thoughts is ur words...i must let him go because up until now he was like a drug i was addicted to. i must build up again the confidence in myself and i have to take small steps froward. but to prevent him to keep hunting me or making me take steps back i think i will use what Knight saied: change my phone number, email etc. thanks all: it was about time for me to get up from the dirt, but i think i needed objective opinions to raise me up. :) Wafaey
HP you r the Dag But remember that someone u know will pay ur debt :wink: alexandra well HP...seems like all this was good to ur ego. still: what goes arround comes arround :lol: Wafaey
U r dead right :D :lol: :D :lol: alexandra
well thanks Wafaey. where r u from? Wafaey
Cairo, Egypt :) Maia Hi Alexandra, You are Romanian! You can definitely get over it! You are so young...As Caragiale said: "Every time we fall in love we think it's for the first time when we really loved"...You are letting your heart interfear with your judgement. I know this is not what you want to hear, but if he would have really loved you, he wouldn't have let you go. Age is a totally irrelevant state of mind... He probably had a couple of wives in Dubai that you didn't even know of. What do you know about him anyways? What he wrote to you in your online conversations? That he's a nice guy who took the trouble to come and visit you in Romania? Hmmmm...He didn't do you a favor; he did himself a little treat and obviuosly he didn't do it because he was overwhelmed with love. Ai grija si mult noroc...ii stiu ca-n palma...Just don't fall for all this! Pup. alexandra
caragiale.......lol, if i turn back the time and think on it it was not a drama, still what i thought i knew about him was all burned down after what he did, not that i am blameing him 100% for the failure but i do blame him for not having the courrage and the dignity to be honest. and when i started to get involved for sure i was not thinking about getting favours from him, cause if i wanted it, right now i will have a great car, nice jeweleries and so on...but i am glad i didn't go agains my principles so that now i am in peace with myself and not feeling cheap like all his money could have bought me! never!
p.s ii cunosti asa de bine? lol ai dat si tu peste exemplare de genu'? aruba Hello Alexandra, Think after reading all these supportive words you feel better. Such situation is better to think what do u Have than what u lost. First of all u are able to love, it’s a gift from God. I don’t like talk much about new love that will treat an old wounds, and for sure you’ll meet. But such situation advice you spend some money for new clothes and make up, or hair style. Go to disco (I remember u aren’t club;s girl), but dance helps to overcome stress (here I can advice u belly dance and u’ll see after sometime how feminine you are). Smile and support to u :D alexandra
thank u so much aruba, u r so kind. yes after all this i feel better, i must confess that i felt better after puting it in words and get it out of my brain. it was a real support all the advices and sweet words from nice people like u. lol, i did almost everything of what u mentioned, new clothes, new haircut, but still i am not a big fan of disco or clubs. belly dance? :lol: never tried it before but i will see if i can get someone to teach me!!!. there is a nice man arround, insisting to convince me to take a chance, but still i feel like i cant be 100% devoted, but i hope for better days! irish vanessa I love older men :wink: :wink: :wink: alexandra
i loved older men, lol, insane or not but i did, and with no regrets. old or young there is no guarantee that it will turn out to be like u wish, so i think that's not the main issue:D vicky40_teach alexandria, having a situation like dealing age difference in a relationship is nothing to be feared but to be understood.. TOUGH times dont last while tough people do......and if you cannot find PEAce IN YOURSElf and deal with it..then you will never find it anywhere.... the fact that these prople in this forum are lifting your spirits upward and onward and encourage you to be postive in all means..the POSiTIVE THINKER sees the invisible,feels the intangible and achieves the impossible..CHEERS!! :D HOPE TO SEE YOU BELLY DANCE.. ________________________________ HABIT IS SECOND NATURE :D :D :D arniegang
8) 8) 8) :wink: GAB Yep, Vanessa, they don't get much older than Arnie!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: sniper420
Yeah she meant she loves older men as she loves her daddy.......so cute after HP u got another dumbo to pet Arnie.......... :lol: GAB You have woman issues Sniper...........................only getting the benefit of your own hands. :roll: arniegang
Gabs
Did i ever tell you how much I HATE YOU ?
:wink:
:lol: :lol: the_zooter
Older men eh Vee?? How much older?? Like 5 years older, or drawing their pension older??
I'll never understand women. We (men, well, me anyway!!) are either too old or too young - you (women - and I'm generalising here, so I aplogise in advance) don't know when you are on to a good thing!! (why do I get the feeling I'm going to regret going down this road??) arniegang Older as in mature Zooter i expect she meant. That takes you out of the frame then after you stamped your feet in the other thread
:lol: :lol: :lol: the_zooter :roll: Well what can I say - other than you are right as usual Arnie!! Age doesn't automatically mean mature! arniegang :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P with knobs on and no returns :lol: :lol: :lol: Dubai Knight I feel sort of left out! Nice to see the tone and maturity of the posts have remained at their scintillatingly juvenile and puerile level during my short absence...so I shall claim senile dementia and sit here quitely in my bath chair smelling of wee... Is it time for my blanket bath yet nurse Vee? 8) 8) 8) Knight sniper420
well women have mood swings so that's the reason why it's comprehend em. This video from metacafe shows in good way
[code:1] http://*x/ [/code:1]
Note- put e in * the_zooter That was hilarious!! Its made me late for work, but very very funny!!! Chocoholic I think there comes a point where too much of an age gap is just weird. Plus really old guys with guts and saggy arses - eeewwwww!!! Hey what's with all the talk about older 'men'? What about women with toyboys - it cuts both ways you know! XRW-147
That used to be the joke of the ops guys at work - that I was my boss's toy boy. :lol: Those were the days... irish vanessa
EEEEEKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna make my family cruelly tell me that i reek of old person when i get to that age (and that i have a beard)....nothing scarier than old people.............. :shock: :shock: the_zooter
Does this mean that you are off older men now?? irish vanessa There is a difference between grandads and older men....i make the cutoff at 60 :wink: :wink: arniegang
make my day
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D Chocoholic
EEWWWWWW - shudder! arniegang
Shut up you - get off my land
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Chocoholic Sorry Arnie, but I got grossed out. the_zooter
At least I'm still in the running - got another 30 years to make my move!! lol :D kanelli I'd prefer a boytoy over a sugardaddy 8) constantine prefer older woman...something about them...no no...dont have a mrs robinson complex...but ah!! they are amazing!!.... :lol: :lol: Corcovado 30 somethin men are the best ...mature in every way if u know what i mean :twisted: i am 26 and a 34 year old man is the deal ..... or more the_zooter
Thats another one off my list!!
So what age woman should a 29 year old guy (not unlike myself) go for?? :roll: Corcovado
well men in their 20 somethin are kindof young and want 2 live life upside down on and off.... so maybe teenagers are good for them... cos woman mature faster than men ..i mean a 26 years old woman is much more old and mature than a 26 years old man :? soo thats why we look for older men XRW-147
It could just be your love for antiques. the_zooter
Well, the trouble is though, that although you may be right, I've found that 18/19/20 year old girls go for guys the same age, as 29 year olds are "too old". Yet 5 years later, they are looking for a 10 year age gap - hence 29 is, I think, an odd age to be single at, because you're neither the young party animal, nor the more mature gentleman!
Grrrrrr :evil: Corcovado
i studied archaeology actually and i do love antiques and 30 somethin is not old honey ...maybe because ur 14 now or somethin ofcourse we are all old for u sweetie pie :twisted: Corcovado
ur can get the pleasures of both eras so enjoy.......... party like crazy and be a mature gentleman.. ur in ur peak now :D XRW-147
Sorry C, anything above 26 is old and anything below 24 is young - get the hint ;) the_zooter
Wow - never been described as being "in my peak" before!!! lol
8) :lol: 8) Corcovado
hmmm 25-26 thats the age range.... i will be 26 next week then i will be an old lady :cry: maybe i should kill myself then cos i am not young in XRW-147 scale :x come on kid u know the wiskey ad : SOME AGE OTHERS MATURE :twisted: thats the real deal XRW-147 Keke... well, if you turn 26 tomorrow u will be only about 4 months older than me... and I said above 26 is old ;) Corcovado
ur a virgo or libra eh? Chocoholic
Hey X, who you calling old! I'm 30 and never been more happy and raring to go, (I'm going to lie and say I'm 25 till I'm 40!) my other half is 34 and it seems to be pretty good. I was engaged to a toyboy, too imature! Dated guys 10 years older - boring! I think just a few years either side is fine. the_zooter I'm going to come up with a seemingly unusual statement: It depends!! It all comes down to the person. I've been out with 19 year olds that act like they are 30 and we've got on great, and I've been out with 30-somethings who've acted like they are 19 and its been a nightmare!! It all depends on the person you are dating. Age is (to a certain extent) irrelevant!!! Thats just my opinion anyway!! Chocoholic Well this is true and I'll agree with your statement, for instance I know of a 30 something guy that skateboards - yes you read correctly - skateboards to work, wears baggy board shorts with the crotch between his knees, backwards caps etc etc and acts like a 13 year old! And yet many women like this to begin with, but get pissed off with the 'inner child' - pfff, there's no hope for some people. Corcovado
true cos men find the "inner child" in a woman cute and appealing but when it comes to us a man with "inner child" is just stupid ,shallow , and a turn off ....WE NEED REAL MEN vicky40_teach
i strongly agree and can always withstand this empowerment of creative thought ....(C and C) love you guys! :D......
the rate at which a person(man ) can mature is directly proportional to the embarrasment he can tolerate.....
______________________________________
HABIT IS SECOND NATURE :D tinkerbella It's not a big issue to me, but if i was to be with a much older guy or a younger guy than me...then it becomes issues for people around me..."gossiping n stuff like that" But what if the girl is 23 and the guy is 25...but he looks mature for his age (married with kids, people would assume) and the girl looks young for her age (college type of student)....i think if they both know how old they really r it shouldnt be no problem....but you know how people react to such things (make it into a big issue) XRW-147
Virgoen by name and nature. XRW-147
Chill chocco babe, I was only hinting that there was an element of bracket creep from my view with each approaching year. I've always tended to stick within 5 years +/- (mainly +). Still, as the saying goes - you're only as old as (who) you feel. XRW-147
Chocs, I didn't know we work together! Chocoholic Hahahaha, and you're a Virgo too! Bizarre! I'm a Libra, but so untypical, I must be on the cusp of something, too moody and firey to be a true Libra. constantine hey me libra too...but not always balanced!!...but yeah choc...i'd have ya figured out for a scorpio...but hey all this star sign stuff...too generalised...you can read whatever you want in it!!... irish vanessa
Snap X.............idealistic by nature!! Dubai Knight Everyone seems to be preoccupied with the physical aspects of the age difference... It's a fact that girls mature faster than boys (so THEY say!) so its not surprising that some girls are attracted to an older man as they have much more life experience and many women feel more in tune with a more mature attitude to many things in life. There are times when it is good to regress and be childish, it keeps us young. Some of us are 'growing old disgracefully' and undertake activities that are normally associated with a more 'youthful' audience...and can beat the crap out of the kids most times! There can be life in the old dogs! Just get used to the fact that we like our lives the way they are...we are sort of set. :lol: :lol: :lol: Knight Rob_Rob Well said Dubai Knight! Chocoholic Sadly Constantine never really got on with Scorpios, don't know why. DK, tell you what I wish oh wish there was an adults only play ground, arcade, theme park, it would be cool - why do children get to have all the fun - no fair! I love space hoppers, I want a really big one, to bounce around shopping isles on - wwweeeeeee boing boing boing! Dubai Knight
Yeah! It's not fair! I keep getting kicked off the climbing frame in Creek Park! They need to make the slides wider as well cos a spreading rear end can get jammed half way down! Embarrassing to get the park rangers to come and free you with a crowbar and a packet of butter!!! :shock:
You wanna borrow my space hopper??
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Knight Al7Isra
Girlfiend, you're only 21, you can find anohter man. Dont worry, just dont look for anybody, if you dont look, you will eventually find someone new, maybe a bit younger, but someone who will be just as good as him or even better.But whatever you choose to do, it's meant to be. :) FeiPo My boyfriend is 13 years older than me... we got along find <---- sometimes he treat me like I am a little girl... but it feels good to be treated like a little girl sometime, of course sometime if pisses my off treating me like i am a baby. he is more understanding and mature than most of my exes!! the_zooter
Just out of interest, what are your two ages?? FeiPo
28 and 41 kanelli I love the recent Letter to the Editor letters in 7 Days - two people have written in telling about how their husband and wife left them for someone significantly younger. I guess age does make a difference for people hitting middle-age. They want to trade in their old partner for a younger partner. Very sad. Can't people feel young together without having to find someone else younger to help make themselves feel younger? XRW-147 What about those younger people getting themselves involved in that? My friend's relationship with her ex started when she was 21 and he was 13 years older and still married. Hard to put yourself in anyone's shoes to even realise what was going through their mind. kanelli I've heard some psychologists say that some women who didn't have a father around tend to go for older men. Also, there are some women attracted to the financial security of an older man. Older men are also more mature - don't pull the same stunts that younger men do in their 20's :) arniegang 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) kanelli Going for older men that are married... now that is just a moral defect :) arniegang I need to consider "converting". Me thinks a max of 4 wives would do very nicely :lol: :lol: :lol: Dubai Knight The difference between 'Bigamy' and 'Monogamy'? 'Bigamy' is having one wife too many... 'Monogamy'...is the same thing! :lol: :lol: :lol: Knight the_zooter
I was expecting to say that you are 19 or 20, not 28 - from what you were saying about being treated like a little girl. He's reached a funny age and you are still quite young. Its a tough one really - sorry, I'm not being any help!!! lol



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