Relationship Phases

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Re: Relationship phases Oct 05, 2010
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Flying Dutchman
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Re: Relationship phases Oct 05, 2010
Nothing wrong with being 'in lust' with a girl is there?

As for being self absorbed, well not really. It's all a question of perspective. If a girl is attracted to a guy because of what he does, the way he acts and the lifestyle he chooses for himself...why then attempt to change him and mould him to the way she thinks he should be? It changes the very thing she initially sees as attractive in him.

After long and hard experience, I will never EVER change what I do or how I do it. Its what makes me 'me' and if you try to alter it, then the door is the hole in the wall over there. Try not to let it it hit you on the 4rse on the way out.

8) 8) 8)

Knight
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Re: Relationship phases Oct 05, 2010
Dubai Knight - reading your posts it seem to me you're not interested in relationships but more interested in satisfying your “lust” which is fine.

But then what confuse me about you is why do you go into relationships if you don't want them?! You know you don’t need to be in a relationship to satisfy your lust don’t you? And I’m not talking about going and getting hookers or cheap women, I’m talking about normal women here
blue226
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Re: Relationship phases Oct 05, 2010
Dubai Knight wrote:As for being self absorbed, well not really. It's all a question of perspective. If a girl is attracted to a guy because of what he does, the way he acts and the lifestyle he chooses for himself...why then attempt to change him and mould him to the way she thinks he should be? It changes the very thing she initially sees as attractive in him.


Agree 100%, but unfortunately thats whats happening a lot. There is huge difference though between wanting to change somebody and asking somebody to be considered.
Flying Dutchman
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Re: Relationship phases Oct 05, 2010
Flying Dutchman wrote:
Dubai Knight wrote:As for being self absorbed, well not really. It's all a question of perspective. If a girl is attracted to a guy because of what he does, the way he acts and the lifestyle he chooses for himself...why then attempt to change him and mould him to the way she thinks he should be? It changes the very thing she initially sees as attractive in him.


Agree 100%, but unfortunately thats whats happening a lot. There is huge difference though between wanting to change somebody and asking somebody to be considered.


It's a two-way street. Men are just as guilty in getting women to change certain things to suit them.

What changes are you talking about? I wouldn't change a thing about my husband, but I have been working for years on him making changes in his habits, such as: not having to pee in every bathroom (we have gone from 1 toilet in an apartment to 4 toilets!!!) and wipe up the "dribble"; when putting something in the sink, soak it; stop using chairs for a place to put clothing, but, alas I have failed. :( As he has failed in getting me to change certain habits I have. :) such as me asking all of the above. :lol:

We are very opposite in many ways - for one thing he is very social, I'm not. He enjoys being in social situations and being around people much more than I do. I have never tried to change that about him because he enjoys it. But we are also very alike in many ways, those ways that are important to us - for one thing: we share the same values.

We all make changes, mostly habits, to try to please the other person. But when someone tries to change someone's identity, their very fabric as to what makes them the person they are, well that's just wrong.

Many Muslim men are guilty of having a hidden agenda when it comes to marrying non-Muslim women. After the marriage, talk of converting to Islam takes place, then covering, then all the other "traditional" ways come into play until the woman doesn't recognize herself. These women do it "out of love" only to find that it wasn't love that caused it, but one's need to control. I knew of a Muslim woman in the states who didn't cover, wore low cut blouses, short skirts, sleeveless tops and when she married, she was told what she needed to do to show her respect for her husband. He wanted her all covered up, expected her to pray 5 times a day, blah, blah, blah - because how would HE look in front of his friends -- her not doing so would send a message of disrespect to him (especially in front of his friends) if she didn't do as he wanted and said (not asked). She was also expected to turn over her salary to him as he would manage the finances. Marriage didn't last a month. And that was wife #3. Wife number 2 was a Muslim, but he locked her in the house when he would go out. She was not a happy camper and he sent her back home because she wouldn't "obey" him.

If you stop and think about it, I'm sure your wife made changes to make you happy, even if in small ways. :)
Bora Bora
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Re: Relationship phases Oct 05, 2010
Bora Bora wrote:What changes are you talking about?


Basicly what makes a person a person, basic characteristics. I have a weakness for free spirits, but also notice that after I while some of the free spiritness starts to irritate me. I shouldn't want to change that though, because the reason for liking a person is the free spiritness in the first place. I also like my freedom. I like to have my spontaneous evening outs or weekends away with the buddies, and nobody should want to change that. I do realize, however, that I should be considered and inform the ones waiting at at home that all is fine and should let them know where I am.

Bora Bora wrote:If you stop and think about it, I'm sure your wife made changes to make you happy, even if in small ways. :)


Correct, she made most of the adjustments, not me. Bless her.
Flying Dutchman
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Re: Relationship Phases Oct 05, 2010
No one's spirit should be suppressed. To do that either the person won't survive or the relationship will die. I would have to say that your wife doesn't look to tackle or contain that spirit for a very good reason - she trusts you. I truly believe that if you can't trust the person you are with, then you shouldn't be with them. Too much effort goes into jealousy, and jealousy is really, really ugly - right up there with pity.

My husband thinks he is difficult. I let him think he is if it helps. :lol: :lol:

P.S. Women are very flexible, as long as it doesn't compromise who they are.
Bora Bora
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Re: Relationship phases Oct 06, 2010
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

We men are BAAAAD, VERY BAAAD!!!!!

:) :)
Tom Jones
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Re: Relationship phases Oct 06, 2010
What is the difference between a Man and a Woman?

The answer is: You take a happy 'Man' and add 'Woe"!

I am not against relationships per se, and have had many long and fulfilling ones, but more against the ideal that two independent people who, when they become a 'couple' should then fall into a situation where one or the other compromises the things they did as a single person for the other party.

I admire a girl who says to me 'sorry I can't see you tonight because I am doing something I feel so strongly about I will not compromise.' That is independence.

8) 8) 8)

Knight
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Re: Relationship phases Oct 08, 2010
Dillon wrote:I was advised many Years ago to read a book about relationships and it was the best peer advice I was ever given and still today, I refer to that publication by John Gray, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, read and understand the content of that book and you will start to understand how your partner perceives you and just exactly how much you really don’t know about the opposite gender.!

I thought it was a great book when I read it .... but now I think it's rubbish. The only thing I remember from it is advice to men to take the rubbish out to please his partner. Trite.

Hmmm, maybe I'm being too harsh. There is a lot of good stuff in his book. But ...

Men are from earth, women are from earth. The more I talk to people of different genders and sexual orientation, the more it seems there are way more similarities than differences when it comes to relationships.

Sure, don't ignore the differences but by focusing on them, it's easy to neglect what's important in a relationship. ... Not that I know what that is :oops: ...

Stages in Love Relationships
Gary Brainerd

Brainerd :shock: ? Is that a real name? Better than bonk I suppose :) ...
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